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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.419

Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 419
In the modern world, where television advertisements have become widely used among companies, some people believe that marketing towards young children has a negative effect. I fully agree with the given statement and suppose that this action of advertisements targeting young ones should be banned. Firstly, it gives disappointment towards children. Through experiencing colourful and decorative commercials, kids would easily be tempted and want to buy the product. However, even if the kids ask their parents to buy them, they wouldn’t allow as they know how exaggerated and fake commercials are. Through this process, youngsters would feel disappointed towards their parents. The reason why such feelings are bad is because once the kids lose faith, it will result in broken relationships which are very hard to improve at later stages. Moreover, the whole situation can simply be stopped if these commercials aren’t produced in the first place. For instance, my friend has a bad relationship between his mum and dad, and the reason is because when he was young, his dad didn’t buy him a toy he liked. People might think that their connection has been just too weak, but my friend stated that his belief in dad slowly started to disappear, and later did not want anything from him. Therefore, even little commercials can give damage to children who have a naive heart, causing the brittle bond to break. Furthermore, persuasive advertisements provide a higher chance of excessive consumption. There are some people who buy everything for their child just because they want it. But, these items would differ with every channel, and if a child had possessed everything they wanted since a very young age, they wouldn’t know how to save and what kind of products are not worth buying, since they have the routine of buying whatever they want. As a result, they would spend their money for even meaningless objects. For example, even in dramas commonly shown, there are spoilt brats where they have no plans on saving money, but using it in worthless things. These characters, at the end mostly fail when their family dies, as they don’t know how to earn or save money. Hence, these bad customs should be controlled from childhood, as old habits die hard. To conclude, due to these two reasons of excessive consumption and chance of poor kinship, I strongly assume that advertisement aimed towards babies should be banned.
In the modern world, where television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have become
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that marketing towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
children has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect. I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement and suppose that this action of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
targeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ones should
be banned
.

Firstly
, it gives disappointment towards children. Through experiencing
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
and decorative commercials, kids would
easily
be tempted
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the product.
However
, even if the kids ask their parents to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
them, they wouldn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
as they know how exaggerated and fake commercials are. Through this process, youngsters would feel disappointed towards their parents. The reason why such feelings are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
once the kids lose faith, it will result in broken relationships which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
at later stages.
Moreover
, the whole situation can
simply
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
if these commercials aren’t produced in the
first
place.
For instance
, my friend has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
relationship between his mum and dad, and the reason is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when he was
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
, his dad didn’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
him a toy he liked.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that their connection has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
too weak,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
my friend stated that his belief in dad
slowly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to disappear, and later did not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
anything from him.
Therefore
, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
commercials can give damage to children who have a naive heart, causing the brittle bond to break.

Furthermore
, persuasive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
provide a higher chance of excessive consumption. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
everything for their child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, these items would differ with every channel, and if a child had possessed everything they wanted since a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age, they wouldn’t know how to save and what kind of products are not worth buying, since they have the routine of buying whatever they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
.
As a result
, they would spend their money for even meaningless objects.
For example
, even in dramas
commonly
shown, there are
Possible spelling mistake. 'spoilt' is British English.
spoilt
brats where they have no plans on saving money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
using it in worthless things. These characters, at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
mostly
fail when their family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dies
, as they don’t know how to earn or save money.
Hence
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
customs should
be controlled
from childhood, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
habits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

To conclude
, due to these two reasons of excessive consumption and chance of poor kinship, I
strongly
assume that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisement
aimed towards babies should
be banned
.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 419

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
400 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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