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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.741

Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 741
How many of us, who are parent, has to deal with a tantrum of our children disapointed because we have to reject his or her demand for a new toy? Where is this desire coming from? Yes, television advertising, most frecuently. Thus, I strongly agree with the statement proposed above that states television advertising direc to young children should not be allowed. The reason is simple, advertising in young children provokes a strong desire of products that can not being satified by parents, provoking the disapointement and insatisfaction of both, children and parents. First of all, the brain of a child is far from being mature at the age of two to five years old. Consecuently, the information received from advertising and propaganda is not processed in the correct way. Moreover, at that short age many kids assume that the exaggeration in the message, usually present in advertising, is accurate and actually real. For example, a company that wants to remark that is selling a biggest candy in the market can show the product as big as a person. An adult would understand that it is not true, but an exaggeration, but not a child. Additionally, the inmmature mind of a child can distort his or her desire in an addiction. To illustrate this point, let' s review the last campains of Pokemon products. The company is the owner of a brand that constantly is updating characters and games, to keep the consumption of the products in a high level. Furthermore, if it is difficult, even for some adult to resist the temptation of buying more Pokemon' s products and games, much more would be for a little child. For this reason, I strongly suggest not to expose young children to advertising. Finally, I think it is important for parents to understand who are behing the advertising. Usually, companies whose goal is increase their incomes. That is the real motive behind of a creative idea of an advertising, and not to take care of the children target of the massage. Thus, is not to blame who promote a brand, but who control these companies and regulate the advertising whose targets are children. In fact, I deeply belive that while this controls and regulations are not implemented, parents should not allow children to be exposed to advertising. In conclusion, in review of all the reasons exposed above, I strongly sustain that television advertising direct toward young children should not be allowed. In fact, parent should also demand the goberment to implement stronger regulations regarding this issue.
How
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of us,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
deal with a tantrum of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Possible spelling mistake found.
disapointed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
reject
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
demand for a new toy? Where is this desire coming from? Yes, television advertising, most
Possible spelling mistake found.
frecuently
.
Thus
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement proposed above that states television advertising
Possible spelling mistake found.
direc
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
. The reason is simple, advertising in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
provokes a strong desire of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that can not being
Possible spelling mistake found.
satified
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, provoking the
Possible spelling mistake found.
disapointement
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
insatisfaction
of both,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and parents.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the brain of a child is far from being mature at the age of two to five years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Consecuently
, the information received from advertising and propaganda is not processed in the correct way.
Moreover
, at that short age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kids assume that the exaggeration in the message,
usually
present in advertising, is accurate and actually real.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
that wants to remark
that is
selling
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
biggest candy in the market can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
as a person. An adult would understand that it is not true,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
an exaggeration,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not a child.

Additionally
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
inmmature
mind of a child can distort
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
desire in an addiction. To illustrate this point,
Possible spelling mistake found.
let&
#039; s review the last
Possible spelling mistake found.
campains
of
'Pokemon' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "Pokémon"
Pokemon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is the owner of a brand that
constantly
is updating characters and games, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the consumption of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
in a high level.
Furthermore
, if it is difficult, even for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
adult to resist the temptation of buying more
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pokemon&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and games, much more would be for a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
child.
For this reason
, I
strongly
suggest not to expose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to advertising.

Finally
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to understand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
behing
the advertising.
Usually
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
whose goal is increase their incomes.
That is
the real motive behind of a creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of an advertising, and not to take care of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
target of the
Possibly confused word: Did you mean "message" (= communication, or what is communicated) instead of 'massage' (= action of rubbing, kneading or hitting someone's body)?
massage
.
Thus
, is not to blame
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
promote a brand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
control these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and regulate the advertising whose targets are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. In fact, I
deeply
Possible spelling mistake found.
belive
that while
Did you mean "these"?
this
controls and regulations are not implemented,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
be exposed
to advertising.

In conclusion
, in review of all the reasons exposed above, I
strongly
sustain that television advertising direct toward
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
should
also
demand the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goberment
to implement stronger regulations regarding this issue.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20Mistakes

IELTS essay Television advertising directed toward young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 741

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
425 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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