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Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how theyoppose specific points made in the reading passage. v.1

Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how theyoppose specific points made in the reading passage. v. 1
It is true that some celebrities are known for their glamour and wealth rather than for their work or success. Some people believe that they set a bad reference, and I agree with this opinion. In the past famous artists, actors, among others, were recognized by their track record and achievements. In this way, they demonstrated great effort, determination and ambition, and because of that they became successful people. An example is the actor and martial artist Jackie Chan, who became world famous through years of practice and hard work. By contrast, nowadays, there is a great number of emerging “stars”, who are only in the media because they are mainstream or nice-looking. In fact, songs have turned into commercial products without any quality, being more relevant the catchy tunes over the lyrics and rhythms. Apart from the examples expressed above, I also believe that many people are achieving fame through scandals and controversial actions. In this case, reality TV shows have incentivized the promotion of erratic behaviours and excesses in lifestyle, which are shown and imitated by the audience. Furthermore, many people are famous for the wrong reasons. A good example would be Paris Hilton, who spends her time attending parties and nightclubs promoting the idea that the glamour and media profile are more important than hard work or good character. Sharing an unreal message to young people that success is based on banalities. By way of conclusion, I strongly believe that contemporary celebrities are letting inappropriate models to youth.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
celebrities
are known
for their glamour and wealth
rather
than for their work or success.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that they set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
reference, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this opinion.

In the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
artists, actors, among others,
were recognized
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
record and achievements. In this way, they demonstrated great effort, determination and ambition, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that they became successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. An example is the actor and martial artist Jackie Chan, who became world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
through years of practice and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work. By contrast, nowadays, there is a great number of emerging “stars”, who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in the media
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are mainstream or nice-looking. In fact, songs have turned into commercial products without any quality, being more relevant the catchy tunes over the lyrics and rhythms.

Apart from the examples expressed above, I
also
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are achieving fame through scandals and controversial actions.
In this case
, reality TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
have incentivized the promotion of erratic
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
and excesses in lifestyle, which
are shown
and imitated by the audience.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
reasons. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example would be Paris Hilton, who spends her time attending parties and nightclubs promoting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the glamour and media profile are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
character. Sharing an unreal message to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that success
is based
on banalities.

By way of conclusion, I
strongly
believe that contemporary celebrities are letting inappropriate models to youth.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Summarize the points made in the lecture, being sure to explain how theyoppose specific points made in the reading passage. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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