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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A person’s childhood years (the time from birth to twelve years of age) are the most important years of a person’s life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.44

A person’s childhood years (the time from birth to twelve years of age) are the most important years of a person’s life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 44
Physical activities have become increasingly popular in many regions across the world. While there are supporters of sport’s contributions to many aspects of life, some people insist it means no other than a recreational activity. This essay will discuss both points of view before reaching a reasonable conclusion. On the one hand, sport is praised for its ability to connect people and improve one as a person. In terms of creating connection, sport events shorten barriers within communities and thus, bring financial benefits for countries involved in those occasions. For instance, one nation of World Cup can earn up to billions of US dollar from tourists in each season they host. Moreover, some athletes hold that physical tasks not only improve their health but also give them a feeling of satisfaction. While participating, they push themselves beyond the norm and gradually become more patient, durable and resistant. On the other hand, many opponents opine it as something people do in their free time. A baseball match, for example, offers players a sense of freedom and reunion with other counterparts, which is a luxurious retreat from their hectic life. Furthermore, as matches of sport are often broadcast, it seems that this activity entertains people instead of encouraging them exercise. In a recent survey, fans of Dream Cup in Korea admit they hardly ever go out and touch the ball. All they love is the different motions of happiness, disappointment or excitement that the game brings back. In conclusion, there is a major question whether sport attributes more merits to the community than being an entertaining pastime. For the mentioned arguments, I confidently agree that we can gain more from it than just emotions.
Physical activities have become
increasingly
popular in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regions across the world. While there are supporters of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport’s
contributions to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
insist it means no other than a recreational activity. This essay will discuss both points of view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching a reasonable conclusion.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is praised
for its ability to connect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
one as a person. In terms of creating connection,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
shorten barriers within communities and
thus
, bring financial benefits for countries involved in those occasions.
For instance
, one nation of World Cup can earn up to billions of US dollar from tourists in each season they host.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
athletes hold that physical tasks not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
give them a feeling of satisfaction. While participating, they push themselves beyond the norm and
gradually
become more patient, durable and resistant.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opponents opine it as something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do in their free time. A baseball match,
for example
, offers players a sense of freedom and reunion with other counterparts, which is a luxurious retreat from their hectic life.
Furthermore
, as matches of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
broadcast, it seems that this activity entertains
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
instead
of encouraging them exercise. In a recent survey, fans of Dream Cup in Korea admit they hardly ever go out and touch the ball. All they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
motions of happiness, disappointment or excitement that the game brings back.

In conclusion
, there is a major question whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
attributes more merits to the community than being an entertaining pastime. For the mentioned arguments, I
confidently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that we can gain more from it than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
emotions.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay A person’s childhood years (the time from birth to twelve years of age) are the most important years of a person’s life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 44

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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