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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? A person’s childhood years (the time from birth to twelve years of age) are the most important years of a person’s life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.80

A person’s childhood years (the time from birth to twelve years of age) are the most important years of a person’s life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 80
It is true that nowadays people migrate to another country for better economic opportunities. Although migration affects the children of such families, I strongly disagree that this affects negatively. In my opinion, the migration provides better education and health facilities. This essay explains the benefits of migration in term of health, education and individual growth. Firstly, the migration in other country provides better education. Moreover, the better education facilities make children more competitive for job markets. Secondly, better health facilities are also available which keep them healthy and well nourished. For example, the children are equipped with latest technologies such as internet, laptops, for their education. This education can help them to find better jobs in life. Better health insurance, hospitals and doctors provide better health facilities. As a result, the increased healthiness will assist them to further achieve their goal. Additionally, migrations give them an opportunity to get to know other cultures and broaden their understanding. Although their family culture is different, this will provide them an opportunity to get exposed new language, food and culture. For instance, they become multilingual, get to know to mingle, and adjusts with different people. However, these cultural differences might cause some discomfort, after a few years they become more habituated. This requires effort in learning the language and culture. In conclusion, migration has more benefits for the children. This gives the family more financial stability, children get better education and health benefits. Although adjusting to new ambiances take time, this gives them more opportunities for a new experience and a better life.
It is true that nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
migrate to another country for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migration
affects the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of such families, I
strongly
disagree that this affects
negatively
. In my opinion, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
facilities. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migration
in term of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and individual growth.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migration
in other country
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more competitive for job markets.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
facilities are
also
available which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them healthy and well nourished.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are equipped
with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technologies such as internet, laptops, for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can
In informal texts, 'to' is not necessary. Do you mean "help them find"?
help them to find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
jobs in life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
insurance, hospitals and doctors
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
facilities.
As a result
, the increased healthiness will assist them to
further
achieve their goal.

Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migrations
give them an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know other cultures and broaden their understanding. Although their family culture is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
, this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
them an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunity
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposed new language, food and culture.
For instance
, they become multilingual,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know to mingle, and adjusts with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
However
, these cultural differences might cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
discomfort, after a few years they become more habituated. This requires effort in learning the language and culture.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
migration
has more benefits for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This gives the family more financial stability,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
benefits. Although adjusting to new ambiances take time, this gives them more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opportunities
for a new experience and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay A person’s childhood years (the time from birth to twelve years of age) are the most important years of a person’s life. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 80

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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