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the tendency of humans beings to copy one another is shown in the popularity of fashion clothes and consumer goods. to what extent do you agree? v.1

the tendency of humans beings to copy one another is shown in the popularity of fashion clothes and consumer goods. v. 1
Increasing use of social media by young children without adequate supervision from their parents or caretakers, is of a grave concern for the society at large. This essay will first explain how the un-monitored use of the internet is driving youngsters towards criminal activities, followed by my ideas in which parents can fix this issue. Children having unfettered access to social networking websites are getting them mixed up in many illegal activities. At this age, kids are very impressionable and are learning to form their own views on many social aspects of life. At such a time, bad fractions of the society can lure and brainwash them with false information such that children often start believing in their cause. This has led to an increase in many teenagers involved in crimes. For instance, a recent survey done by the FBI showed that almost every terrorist organization these days are using online propaganda to recruit young people. Because of such a dangerous implication, it is imperative that parents monitor the online presence of their kids. I believe that parents can control this by blocking the websites which are known to be dangerous. This can impede their access to harmful materials which prevents them from developing a criminal mindset. If children are curtailed from exploring bad campaigns they are less prone to falling a culprit to online recruitments. For example, it was said in a recent article published by New York times, that blocking certain indecent websites in school, helped the students stay away from problematic content and their views about those topics were very positive. Hence blockage of online content can work magic into diverting kids' attention to good ideas. To summarize, the rise in teenage kids’ limitless usage of the internet these days should concern everyone in general because they can easily fall prey to illegitimate agendas. Hence parents should cut down the access of social media or at least have a better control on it.
Increasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media by young children without adequate supervision from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or caretakers, is of a grave concern for the society at large. This essay will
first
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
how the
Possible spelling mistake found.
un-monitored
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the internet is driving youngsters towards criminal activities, followed by my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
this issue.

Children having unfettered access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking websites are getting them mixed up in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
illegal activities. At this age, kids are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
impressionable and are learning to form their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
views on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
aspects of life. At such a time,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
fractions of the society can lure and brainwash them with false information such that children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
believing in their cause. This has led to an increase in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
involved in crimes.
For instance
, a recent survey done by the FBI
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that almost every terrorist organization these days are using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
propaganda to recruit young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of such a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
implication, it is imperative that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
monitor the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
presence of their kids.

I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can control this by blocking the websites which
are known
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
. This can impede their access to harmful materials which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them from developing a criminal mindset. If children
are curtailed
from exploring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
campaigns they are less prone to falling a culprit to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
recruitments.
For example
, it
was said
in a recent article published by
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
New York times
, that blocking certain indecent websites in school,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the students stay away from problematic content and their views about those topics were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
blockage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
content can work magic into diverting kids' attention to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

To summarize
, the rise in teenage kids’ limitless usage of the internet these days should concern everyone
in general
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
easily
fall prey to illegitimate agendas.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the access of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media or at least have a better control on it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay the tendency of humans beings to copy one another is shown in the popularity of fashion clothes and consumer goods. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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