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Do you agree or disagree with the parents should let children make mistake and let them learn from their own mistakes. v.1

with the parents should let children make mistake and let them learn from their own mistakes. v. 1
People have long believed that living in a city rather than in countryside leads to improvement of lifestyle. However, increasing the population and density of cities bring about concerns for residents, in turn, decreasing their interests to live in such an area. In order to get an insight it remains to scrutinize some aspects of this issue. All things considered, although paves the right way for people to reach their goals, dens cities make several problematic stresses, the most important occurring in elderly people. For instance, living in dense neighbourhoods usually located in the centre of a city, all people, especially elderly suffer from respiratory diseases, air pollution by the name a few. Added to this, statistics show that dense city makes easy dangerous contagious illnesses to spread faster than all the other cities. For example, at the earliest of 2020, one of the most populated cities in China faced with an unforeseen virus called Corona. With Corona virus killing many citizens, the government and ministry of health could not help to reduce the number of victims due to the fact that in dense areas infection by the viruses was uncontrolled. Another point that needs to be mentioned is that the out-dated transportation system existed in dense cities, especially in under developing country cause people becoming more aggressive, which is one of the most important aspects of social behaviour in society so that play an important role to plunge people’s efficiency a dense city does. Should people get calmer and control their emotional behaviour, they will be able to work better than they use to. As a consequence, in dense areas people need to learn social skills. Having summarized all points about living in dense areas, I can draw a firm conclusion that living in such an area causes many physical and social dangers and people should improve their tolerance threshold in that people must protect their life and vocations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have long believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in a city
rather
than in countryside leads to improvement of lifestyle.
However
, increasing the population and density of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
bring about concerns for residents, in turn, decreasing their interests to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in such an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an insight it remains to scrutinize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects of this issue.

All things considered, although paves the right way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to reach their goals, dens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
several problematic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
occurring in elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dense
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhoods' is British English.
neighbourhoods
usually
located in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of a city, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
elderly suffer from respiratory diseases, air pollution by the name a few.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Added
to this, statistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dense
city
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
easy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
contagious illnesses to spread faster than all the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
.
For example
, at the earliest of 2020, one of the most populated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in China faced with an unforeseen virus called Corona. With
The term "Coronavirus" (= disease) is spelled as one word.
Corona virus
killing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
citizens, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and ministry of health could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of victims due to the fact that in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dense
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "areas'" or "area's"?
areas
infection by the viruses
was uncontrolled
.

Another point that needs to
be mentioned
is that the out-dated transportation system existed in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
especially
in under
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing country
cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
becoming more aggressive, which is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspects of social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to plunge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
efficiency a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dense
city does. Should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
calmer and control their emotional
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, they will be able to work better than they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to. As a consequence, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to learn social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Having summarized all points about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dense
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
, I can draw a firm conclusion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in such an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
physical and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their tolerance threshold in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
protect their life and vocations.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay with the parents should let children make mistake and let them learn from their own mistakes. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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