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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers shouldbe paid according to how much their students learn. Give specificreasons and examples to support your opinion. v.362

Teachers shouldbe paid according to how much their students learn. Give specificreasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 362
Some people opine that watching TV will cause bad impacts for the juveniles, whereas others think that it will be useful for their career. Whilst a discussion of both these views is worthwhile, I am a supporter of the former view. On the one hand, children watching television programs will affect their behaviour. That is to say that they are showing more crime and violent scenes which will indulge them to do the same in their real life. Moreover, it will make them to get addicted to those habits. For example, most of the TV programs in India has violence and revenge for the enemies and when youth watches such kind of scenes they will tend to do the same in real. In my opinion, I believe they should not watch TV as it will be the negative influence for the minors to commit crimes. On the other hand, by seeing the television programs such as National Geography and NEWS will enhance the knowledge of the offspring. In other words, they will get the opportunity to learn and see the animals and its behaviour. Also, the activities happening in the world by watching the news channels. This will help them to develop their passion and proceed with their career. For instance, a minor can know about the habits of the wild animals and its significant part in biodiversity. However, I do not support this notion, as most of the youngsters are following their parents by seeing unnecessary programs which will not help them in their future. In conclusion, although some people think that children ought to watch television as it helps them to learn new things and implement in their career, I reiterate it has more drawbacks which will affect their attitudes by watching irrelevant programs for their growth.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that watching TV will cause
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impacts for the juveniles, whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it will be useful for their career. Whilst a discussion of both these views is worthwhile, I am a supporter of the former view.

On the one hand, children watching television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
will affect their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
That is
to say that they are showing more crime and violent scenes which will indulge them to do the same in their real life.
Moreover
, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to those habits.
For example
, most of the TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
in India has violence and revenge for the enemies and when youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watches
such kind of scenes they will tend to do the same in real. In my opinion, I believe they should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV as it will be the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence for the minors to commit crimes.

On the other hand
, by seeing the television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
such as National Geography and NEWS will enhance the knowledge of the offspring.
In other words
, they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the opportunity to learn and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the animals and its
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.
Also
, the activities happening in the world by watching the news channels. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to develop their passion and proceed with their career.
For instance
, a minor can know about the habits of the wild animals and its significant part in biodiversity.
However
, I do not support this notion, as most of the youngsters are following their parents by seeing unnecessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
which will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their future.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that children ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to learn new things and implement in their career, I reiterate it has more drawbacks which will affect their attitudes by watching irrelevant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
for their growth.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Teachers shouldbe paid according to how much their students learn. Give specificreasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 362

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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