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Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v.2

Topic: Teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 2
It cannot be denied that, in the contemporary days problem of housing scarcity is extremely high. It is responsible for many serious outcomes in the community. A single way to tackle out conquering issue is government efforts, is believed by a group of individuals. I agree to the given statement to a large extent and my inclination is explained in the following paragraph. Discussing about steps should be taken by the centre to eradicate the housing deficit. The most anticipated one is they should encourage citizens to live in the countryside. They should run a campaign on social media and various area of a nation regarding benefits of living in a village in order to, motivate the people to reside there. For instance, in 2015 the authority of the Maharashtra province ran a campaign on twitter and Instagram to encourage local individuals to live in a small town rather than, to reside in large urban. This step was work significantly. Moreover, authority of country should also work to increase the job opportunity in the rural areas as, majority of civilians come across metropolis just four to get an employment. If the government will improve work opportunities in non-developed region, it would be very beneficial. Last but not the least, they should also reduce the amount of text in villages so that, people will more likely to live there. This effort will also create many business options other because, businessman will be encouraged to invest there. On the other hand, citizens and builders also have to make some efforts to eliminate the following issue. Builders and individual should develop the city in the vertical way. They have to give priority to the skyscrapers and flats. Apartment usually require less space on the land, whereas, bungalows require it more. If a metro grows vertically, then this circumstance should reduce effectiveness. To conclude, I believe the large extent that the problem of inadequate shelter can be eradicated by government steps such as, making citizens more conscious to live in rural, although to get acceptable results builders have to take responsibility to grow metropolitan vertically. It is the most ideal way to deal with this issue.
It cannot
be denied
that, in the contemporary
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "days'" or "day's"?
days
problem of housing scarcity is
extremely
high. It is responsible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious outcomes in the community. A single way to tackle out conquering issue is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
efforts,
is believed
by a group of individuals. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement to a large extent and my inclination is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following paragraph.

Did you mean simply "Discussing steps"? You do not need the word "about" here.
Discussing about steps
should
be taken
by the
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
to eradicate the housing deficit. The most anticipated one is they should encourage citizens to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the countryside. They should run a campaign on social media and various area of a nation regarding benefits of living in a village in order to, motivate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to reside there.
For instance
, in 2015 the authority of the Maharashtra province ran a campaign on twitter and Instagram to encourage local individuals to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
town
rather
than, to reside in large urban. This step was work
significantly
.

Moreover
, authority of country should
also
work to increase the job opportunity in the rural areas as,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
civilians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across metropolis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
four to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an employment. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
work opportunities in non-developed region, it would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, they should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of text in villages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will more likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
there. This effort will
also
create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
business options other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, businessman will
be encouraged
to invest there.

On the other hand
, citizens and builders
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
efforts to eliminate the following issue. Builders and individual should develop the city in the vertical way. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give priority to the skyscrapers and flats. Apartment
usually
require less space on the land, whereas, bungalows require it more. If a metro grows
vertically
, then this circumstance should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
effectiveness.

To conclude
, I believe the large extent that the problem of inadequate shelter can
be eradicated
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
steps such as, making citizens more conscious to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in rural, although to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
acceptable results builders
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
take responsibility to grow metropolitan
vertically
. It is the most ideal way to deal with this issue.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Topic: Teachers should be paid according to how much their students learn. Give specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
362 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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