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If you could ask a famous person one question, what would you ask? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v.2

If you could ask a famous person one question, what would you ask? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 2
It is often thought by many that Television as a medium is beneficial only for amusement and enjoyment, but some are of the view that it is suitable for studies. While there are different views of this, In my opinion TV as a medium is appropriate only for fun and refreshment. On the one hand, people tend to believe that numerous educational programs that are beneficial to their kids are being aired on televisions. This is sometimes true due to the fact that certain programs such as logical thinking and activities provided by experts are being telecast and they are extremely helpful for a child's overall development. In recent times, Educational institutions are proposing channels such as National Geographic, Animal planet and they believe that these could be suitable for preparing thesis and other practical purposes. While there are many programs useful for studies, TV cannot be considered as a main source for education. On the other hand, many argue that TV programs are strictly for refreshment purpose due to the fact that they are purely fictional than factual. Commercials and Soap Operas are a huge hit amongst women and they consider these as their source of entertainment during their past time. Reality Shows and Sports Channels are a huge rage amongst the youth and the main reason behind this is the fact that they offer loads of fund and entertainment. While certain adverts could mislead consumers, but people majorly prefer these advertisements that are aired for their shopping purpose. That said, television offers a wide variety of programs across different channels and these are being seen as a primary purpose for entertainment. To Conclude, Television does help in some way for studies and other educational purposes, but the actual and practical use of this is only for fun and relaxation.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
as a medium is beneficial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for amusement and enjoyment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
are of the view that it is suitable for studies. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views of this, In my opinion TV as a medium is appropriate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for fun and refreshment.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to believe that numerous educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
that are beneficial to their kids are
being aired
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
televisions
. This is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
true due to the fact that certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
such as logical thinking and activities provided by experts are being
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
telecast and
they are
extremely
helpful for a child's
overall
development. In recent times, Educational institutions are proposing channels such as National Geographic, Animal
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
planet and
they believe that these could be suitable for preparing thesis and other practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purposes
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
useful for studies, TV cannot
be considered
as a main source for education.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argue that TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
are
strictly
for refreshment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
due to the fact that they are
purely
fictional than factual. Commercials and Soap Operas are a huge hit amongst
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
women and
they consider these as their source of entertainment during their
Did you mean "pastime"?
past time
. Reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Shows
and Sports Channels are a huge rage amongst the youth and the main reason behind this is the fact that they offer loads of fund and entertainment. While certain adverts could mislead consumers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
majorly
prefer these advertisements that
are aired
for their shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
. That said,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
offers a wide variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
channels and these are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purpose
for entertainment.

To Conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
way for studies and other educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purposes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the actual and practical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of this is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for fun and relaxation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay If you could ask a famous person one question, what would you ask? Why? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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