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TPO 26Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents’ jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents’ job. Use specific reasons and examples to suppo v.1

TPO 26 It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents’ jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents’ job. Use specific reasons and examples to suppo v. 1
In earlier days, mobile phones were used only for making and receiving calls and messages. But today, it allows people to do many things such as taking photographs, watching movies, video calling, etc. Because of that advanced technology, some parents believe, giving mobile phones for their children is like dragging them into the wrong path by themselves. While others think, that is a good way to keep in touch with their children every time. In my opinion, giving permission to use mobile phones at the right age is not a big problem, as long as children know what is good or bad for them. Firstly, it must be admitted that technological evolution with mobile phones has made people’s lives quite easy and simultaneously efficient by providing different features which allows them to do multiple tasks at one time. There is no defined age group to get the advantage of those devices. Mainly for students, it helps them to learn about new cyberspace technologies by experiencing different applications which are only allowed in mobile phones. Not only that, but also it gives the luxury to learn, read, listen and watch ebooks, lecture notes, educational videos, etc. Also from the parent’s point of view, mobile phones are doing a tremendous job by allowing them to keep in touch with their children no matter where they locate. For instance, they will be able to call and see whether their children are staying safe, do they need anything urgent, etc. However, some children do not understand the actual benefit that they can gain from mobile phones. So they blindly walk the wrong path by misusing the phones to their maximum. Because of that, some parents argue these kinds of devices are encouraging students to do bad things and they considered it as a barrier to grow their child in a good, educational environment. For instance, children are trying to fulfil their desires like love, sex through phones. In conclusion, there are both benefits and drawbacks when allowing mobile phones for children. However, in my point of view, allowing children to use mobile phones is not an unacceptable thing as long as the parents are staying focused and observing the daily behaviour of the child.
In earlier days, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for making and receiving calls and messages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things such as taking photographs, watching movies, video calling, etc.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that advanced technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believe, giving mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is like dragging them into the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path by themselves. While others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
that is
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
every time. In my opinion, giving permission to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
at the right age is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
problem, as long as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
know what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for them.

Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be admitted
that technological evolution with mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
has made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
quite easy and
simultaneously
efficient by providing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
features which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to do multiple tasks at one time. There is no defined age group to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the advantage of those devices.
Mainly
for students, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to learn about new cyberspace technologies by experiencing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
applications which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
in mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it gives the luxury to learn, read, listen and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Possible spelling mistake found.
ebooks
, lecture notes, educational videos, etc.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
point of view, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are doing a tremendous job by allowing them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
no matter where they locate.
For instance
, they will be able to call and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
whether their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are staying safe, do they need anything urgent, etc.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not understand the actual benefit that they can gain from mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
they
blindly
walk the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path by misusing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
to their maximum.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
argue these kinds of devices are encouraging students to do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
things and
they considered it as a barrier to grow their child in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, educational environment.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are trying to fulfil their desires like
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, sex through phones.

In conclusion
, there are both benefits and drawbacks when allowing mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, in my point of view, allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
is not an unacceptable thing as long as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are staying focused and observing the daily
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of the child.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 26 It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents’ jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents’ job. Use specific reasons and examples to suppo v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
370 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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