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TPO-26: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents’ jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents’ job. Use specific reasons and examples to sup v.1

TPO-26: It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents’ jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents’ job. Use specific reasons and examples to sup v. 1
Upon starting college, children will start contemplating about preferable subjects with great job outlooks. Many of these may feel the urge, or in some cases pressure, to follow in the steps of their parent so they can pursue the family business in the years to come. Although there can be many great benefits for children to continue the business run by their family, or just simply enroll in a job similar to that of their parents, such as the passed on experience and laid groundwork, I am not very fond of this. Some of the reasons for my disapproval are elaborated below. First and for most, I think by encouraging children to follow in the footsteps of their parents, their own interests and independence might be dismissed. For example, a potential artist might never get discovered just because he/she had to go through medical school to pursue the practice of his/her parent or a great novelist might be dismissed as he/she takes on the duties of the family company. This could lead to a constant sense of dissatisfaction and lack of independence, which could affect one’s productivity and success in the undesired job. Although, not all these children are actually forced to pursue their parents’ careers, many might feel they have no other options simply because they have not been familiarized with other avenues for their future. Also, unhealthy competition which could in turn lead to tension between family members is a sure output of this endeavor in many families. If, for example there are several children and a big family company, how will it be decided that who will be the CEO? These situations can lead to pressure and rivalry between siblings which can later damage their relationship with one another. Also, there can be pressure on the child enrolling in a job similar to that of a parent to fill his/her parent’s shoe, meet the expectations and excel beyond the parent. By and large, I believe this course of action might have deep impact on the children and family members, leading to anxiety and tension. In general, I think although enrolling in a business familiar to the child might seem intriguing at first, there are many potential disadvantages that come from it. Nevertheless, I think the final decision should of course be made by the child to consider if he/she would like to embark on the career of his/her parents, or pursue his/her own dreams. But parents should be aware not to pressure their children, both evidently and passively, into following their steps by informing them of the various majors and careers they can embark on.
Upon starting college,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
contemplating about preferable subjects with great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
outlooks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of these may feel the urge, or in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
, to follow in the steps of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pursue
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
business in the years to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
. Although there can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
great benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to continue the business run by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
simply
enroll in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
similar to that of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, such as the passed on experience and laid groundwork, I am not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fond of this.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
reasons for my disapproval
are elaborated
below.

First
and for most, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
by encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to follow in the footsteps of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interests and independence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be dismissed
.
For example
, a potential artist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
discovered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he/she had to go through medical school to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pursue
the practice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
or a great novelist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be dismissed
as he/she takes on the duties of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. This could lead to a constant sense of dissatisfaction and lack of independence, which could affect one’s productivity and success in the undesired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Although, not all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are actually forced to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pursue
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
careers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
feel they have no other options
simply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have not
been familiarized
with other avenues for their future.

Also
, unhealthy competition which could in turn lead to tension between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members is a sure output of this endeavor in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. If,
for example
there are several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, how will it
be decided
that who will be the CEO? These situations can lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
and rivalry between siblings which can later damage their relationship with one another.
Also
, there can be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on the child enrolling in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
similar to that of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
to fill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent’s
shoe,
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "meets".
meet
the expectations and excel beyond the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
. By and large, I believe this course of action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have deep impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members, leading to anxiety and tension.

In general
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
although enrolling in a business familiar to the child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
seem intriguing at
first
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
potential disadvantages that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from it.
Nevertheless
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the final decision should
of course
be made
by the child to consider if he/she would like to embark on the career of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
his/her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pursue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
his/her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
dreams.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be aware not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, both
evidently
and
passively
, into following their steps by informing them of the various majors and careers they can embark on.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay TPO-26: It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents’ jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents’ job. Use specific reasons and examples to sup v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
438 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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