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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.432

In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 432
How much do people have to work to buy a car? This is an important questions when we talk about being responsible with the money. Some people believe that young people should become financially independent at a young age; whereas others think is too much responsibility to manage money when being so young. In my view, in order to be independent financially talking, teenager must learn to manage their money. First, people need to learn the value of money. To learn ways to save or spend money, kids need to stop being dependents of the parent. For example, my sister started working as a teacher assistant, when she was 18 years old. Although she still lived with us, Luz paid her own bills. I remember that she had to make her own groceries. Consequently, my sister knew how to invest her money. I am never going to forget one time we went to the movie theater the whole family. However, Luz could not go because she had already spent her money going to parties. Years later, my sister told me that lesson helped her to know how to control her income more efficient than before and it was the most vital lesson my parents have tough her. Thus, Luz understood through her own life how to be responsible and spend the money wisely. In addition to grasp the value of money, being responsible with the money provides people’s experiences. Therefore, errors help you to become stronger for the future. For instance, I decided to buy a car from a previous owner instead of a dealer. Although my parents tried to advise me about the car, I did not hear them. As a result, my parents let me do so because I said I work for it, and I could take my own decisions. In the beginning, the car was out of defects as a new car is. I was excited about since I bought my own car with the payment of my first job. However, in my second week of using the car, it stopped working. The old owner sold me a refurbish automobile. He practically stole my money. In that moment, I realized was a huge mistake. Even though I managed my money, I should have thought everything better. I learned from my error and became even stronger from that situation. To sum up, young people should be economically responsible in order to grow. Managing money aid children to understand the value of money, but also make them stronger from the experience they live. When I have a child, I will let him work since a young age.
How much do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
? This is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "question"?
questions
when we talk about being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should become
financially
independent at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age; whereas others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is too much responsibility to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
when being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
. In my view, in order to be independent
financially
talking,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn to manage their money.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to learn the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. To learn ways to save or spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, kids need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
being dependents of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
.
For example
, my sister
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
working as a teacher assistant, when she was 18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
. Although she
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
with us, Luz paid her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
bills. I remember that she had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
groceries.
Consequently
, my sister knew how to invest her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I am never going to forget one time we went to the movie theater the whole family.
However
, Luz could not go
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she had already spent her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
going to parties. Years later, my sister
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me that lesson
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
her to know how to control her income more efficient than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and it was the most vital lesson my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have
Possible agreement error – use past participle here: "toughed".
tough
her.
Thus
, Luz understood through her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
life how to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
and spend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
wisely
.

In addition
to grasp the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
provides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
experiences.
Therefore
, errors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you to become stronger for the future.
For instance
, I decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
from a previous owner
instead
of a dealer. Although my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
tried to advise me about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, I did not hear them.
As a result
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
me do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I said I work for it, and I could take my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions. In the beginning, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
was out of defects as a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is. I
was excited
about since I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
with the payment of my
first
job.
However
, in my second week of using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
working. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
owner sold me
After 'a', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'refurbish' is correct. If 'refurbish' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
a refurbish
automobile. He
practically
stole my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
The usual collocation for "that moment" is "at" not "In". Did you mean "At that moment"?
In that moment
, I realized was a huge mistake.
Even though
I managed my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, I should have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
everything better. I learned from my error and became even stronger from that situation.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
economically
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsible
in order to grow. Managing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
aid children to understand the value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them stronger from the experience they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
. When I have a child, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
him work since a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay In order to become financially responsible adults, children should learn to manage their own money at young age. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 432

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
439 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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