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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People would be happier withfewer possessions. v.325

People would be happier withfewer possessions. v. 325
According to a section of society, the primary goal of tertiary studies is to enable individuals secure coveted jobs. However, others strongly believe that goal of higher education is to achieve greater good; both for individuals and society. I strongly believe that purpose of university education is far beyond job prospects and in the course of the essay I will discuss both the viewpoints There are specific reasons why people believe that tertiary learning is the gateway to a lucrative job. Firstly, market researches in the United States and other developed countries have shown that post graduates are able to command a considerably higher salary in the workplace when compared to graduates or simple high school diploma holders. Moreover, the professional world of certain white collared, highly respected occupations, like those of physicians, engineers, scientists can only be pursued, after graduating from the respective university courses. Furthermore, in certain fields like management, the credibility of various universities are judged by their ability to generate glittering well-paid employment offers for their fresh graduates, during their campus placements. Hence, a college degree is definitely perceived as a means of better employability. In this context, it is worth mentioning that, apart from generating lucrative jobs for students, universities also benefit the nation by creating educated societies, containing an immense pool of forward thinking individuals, who can contribute towards social development by their respective expertise. Individuals graduating from universities also additionally benefit from the multicultural environments that promote intercultural tolerance and brotherhood. The process of tertiary education also promotes teamwork and collective development amongst individuals. Over and above, numerous long lasting friendships, business partnerships and courtships also bloom from the varsity campus life. Finally, to sum up, it can be confidently stated that apart from generating respectable employment, there are numerous associated positive aspects of university studies, which are of great social and individual significance.
According to a section of society, the primary goal of tertiary studies is to enable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
secure coveted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
.
However
, others
strongly
believe that goal of higher education is to achieve greater
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
; both for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
and society. I
strongly
believe that purpose of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education is far beyond
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
prospects and in the course of the essay I will discuss both the viewpoints

There are specific reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that tertiary learning is the gateway to a lucrative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Firstly
, market researches in the United States and other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
have shown that post graduates are able to command a
considerably
higher salary in the workplace when compared to graduates or simple high school diploma holders.
Moreover
, the professional world of certain white collared,
highly
respected occupations, like those of physicians, engineers, scientists can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be pursued
, after graduating from the respective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
courses.
Furthermore
, in certain fields like management, the credibility of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are judged
by their ability to generate glittering well-paid employment offers for their fresh graduates, during their campus placements.
Hence
, a college degree is definitely perceived as a means of better employability.

In this context, it is worth mentioning that, apart from generating lucrative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for students,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
also
benefit the nation by creating educated societies, containing an immense pool of forward thinking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, who can contribute towards social development by their respective expertise.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Individuals
graduating from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
also
additionally
benefit from the multicultural environments that promote intercultural tolerance and brotherhood. The process of tertiary education
also
promotes teamwork and collective development amongst
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
. Over and above, numerous
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
long lasting
friendships, business partnerships and courtships
also
bloom from the varsity campus life.

Finally
, to sum up, it can be
confidently
stated that apart from generating respectable employment, there are numerous associated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
studies, which are of great social and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
significance.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay People would be happier withfewer possessions. v. 325

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
311 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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