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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is often not a good idea to move to a new city or anew country because you will lose old friends. v.318

It is often not a good idea to move to a new city or anew country because you will lose old friends. v. 318
In Modern times Children are rewarded with excessive liberty which may be devastating in some aspects. I somewhat agree with the statement, privilege is imperative for the development of young ones. However, too much exemption may have some negative impacts. First and Foremost, Privilege is very beneficial for the development of offspring. Their self-confidence and personality improves in society. Moreover, Immunity provides opportunities for children to learn life lessons by understanding the right and wrong. After getting liberated, offsprings share their emotion, feelings, ideas very openly. For example, Survey has shown that Children who are given sovereignty are the extraordinary performers in any field such as study, sports and social skills. On the other hand, too much independence may have many negative consequences. Firstly, nowadays, parents do not have time to monitor their kids activities and they provide more flexibility to their offsprings. Guardians send their children away from home to get a good education, but offsprings do not study, they enjoy shopping with friends, watching movies and so on. They enjoy their sovereignty without restrictions of elders. Furthermore, They accept the wrong path, such as drinking alcohol or smoking during the adolescence. These bad habits are harmful to their health, education and career. Too much liberty also changes kids behaviour and they become aggressive and disrespecting with elders. Excess freedom also affects their studies. To recapitulate, There is no doubt to say that children should be given freedom for their overall development but it should not be excessive. Children should be given limited immunity and parents should keep an eye on their children.
In Modern times
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are rewarded
with excessive liberty which may be devastating in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects. I somewhat
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement, privilege is imperative for the development of young ones.
However
, too much exemption may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.

First
and Foremost, Privilege is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offspring
. Their self-confidence and personality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
in society.
Moreover
, Immunity provides opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn life lessons by understanding the right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. After getting liberated,
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
share their emotion, feelings,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
openly
.
For example
, Survey has shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
sovereignty are the extraordinary performers in any field such as study, sports and social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

On the other hand
, too much independence may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences.
Firstly
, nowadays, parents do not have time to monitor their kids
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
activities and
they provide more flexibility to their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
. Guardians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
away from home to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "offspring", the plural form of the noun 'offspring'?
offsprings
do not study, they enjoy shopping with friends, watching movies and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. They enjoy their sovereignty without restrictions of elders.
Furthermore
, They accept the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path, such as drinking alcohol or smoking during the adolescence. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits are harmful to their health, education and career. Too much liberty
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
kids
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
behaviour and
they become aggressive and disrespecting with elders. Excess freedom
also
affects their studies.

To recapitulate, There is no doubt to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
freedom for their
overall
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should not be excessive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
limited immunity and parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
an eye on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay It is often not a good idea to move to a new city or anew country because you will lose old friends. v. 318

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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