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Some people prefer to work for a large company. Others prefer to work for a smallcompany. Which would you prefer? Use specific reasons and details to support yourchoice. v.3

Some people prefer to work for a large company. Others prefer to work for a smallcompany. Which would you prefer? Use specific reasons and details to support yourchoice. v. 3
It is an undeniable fact that the need of homes is multiplying day by day and the percentage of people searching for vacant lands to build houses is also rising at an alarming rate. The open lands are gradually diminishing in the cities, and the only option left for the majority of the population is the countryside. While some people believe that areas in the villages must be untouched and protected, I strongly opine that people should start living in the rural localities. First of all, people should realize that building their homes in villages will not only help in the development of their locality, but also brings peace to them. Moreover, houses can be constructed spaciously and at a cheaper price than compared to that of cities. To exemplify, instead of planning for a congested home in a city, I would prefer a villa in the backwoods, which gives me a greater sense of satisfaction in life. Secondly, citizens should be aware of the fact that provinces are called as the backbone of the country. Although, youth is moving from towns to metros for employment and business opportunities, they must have the intention to invest their earnings in their home town and thus contribute to the rural evolution. To illustrate from my personal experience, one of my friends who works for a corporate company, has built his 3 bedroom dwelling in a spacious layout in the farmland and enjoying a quality life and also contributing to the progress by paying taxes to the local authorities. However, some people argue that buying an apartment in advanced cities is always a better option for various reasons and constructing new homes must be prevented and also debate that the cow country must be protected. To conclude, I fervently believe, and reiterate that, people should start looking at the countryside options to construct their residences rather than competing to have one within the city limits, as there is a much scope for progression in the rural locality these days.
It is an undeniable fact that the need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
is multiplying day by day and the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
searching for vacant lands to build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
is
also
rising at an alarming rate. The open lands are
gradually
diminishing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
option
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for the majority of the population is the countryside. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that areas in the villages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be untouched
and protected, I
strongly
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
living in the rural localities.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should realize that building their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
in villages will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in the development of their locality,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
brings peace to them.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
can
be constructed
spaciously
and at a cheaper price than compared to that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. To exemplify,
instead
of planning for a congested home in a city, I would prefer a villa in the backwoods, which gives me a greater sense of satisfaction in life.

Secondly
, citizens should be aware of the fact that provinces
are called
as the backbone of the country. Although, youth is moving from towns to metros for employment and business opportunities, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have the intention to invest their earnings in their home town and
thus
contribute to the rural evolution. To illustrate from my personal experience, one of my friends who
Did you mean "work"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'friends' should be used.
works
for a corporate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
, has built his 3 bedroom dwelling in a spacious layout in the farmland and enjoying a quality life and
also
contributing to the progress by paying taxes to the local authorities.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that buying an apartment in advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is always a better option for various reasons and constructing new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
and
also
debate that the cow country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be protected
.

To conclude
, I
fervently
believe, and reiterate that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
looking at the countryside options to construct their residences
rather
than competing to have one within the city limits, as there is
Maybe you should omit the article 'a', leaving only "much".
a much
scope for progression in the rural locality these days.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to work for a large company. Others prefer to work for a smallcompany. Which would you prefer? Use specific reasons and details to support yourchoice. v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
336 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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