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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Dancing plays an important role in a culture. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.273

Dancing plays an important role in a culture. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 273
It is a controversial issue as to whether children should learn the literary works of their own country, or, whether they need to focus the literature of foreign countries. Although people reckon that learning national literature would bring a great significance to the mind of children, I, partially, second this view, because I think that both types of literature play a crucial role in the life of adolescents. To begin with, native works of indigenous people contain lots of treasures which should be taught by the children who will be benefited in many ways. For example, if students read all the national literary works which are written in their mother tongue, they will be able to learn the variety of languages. Besides that, they can comprehend the local language by truly looking the insights into the language, such as different styles of sentences, the various genres of rules to convey ideas. In addition, they would become familiar with the tradition, customs and values of the local culture which would succours not only in their study but also in social communication. Thus, teenagers must endeavour to learn the literature of their own country which is fulfilled with a valuable wealth of art and culture. In contrast, it is also beneficial for juveniles to learn foreign literature due to broaden their knowledge. For instance, if the school children grasp the idea of foreign literary works, this will help them to know about foreign cultures and ideas. This is because, when children will read the commentaries on politics, society and go through the insight into their cultural value, this, invariably, could confer them with a vast source of new information. As a result, they will be able to deal with foreigners who might help them to increase the chances of being an intellectual personality of their country. Ergo, students must learn oversea's literature for increasing the knowledge of the outer world. In conclusion, most of the people emphasize on learning the native literature of local people, while others argue that foreign literature is beneficial to students. However, in my opinion, both types of literature should be taught in school to increase information comprehensively.
It is a controversial issue
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the literary works of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, or, whether they need to focus the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
reckon that learning national
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
would bring a great significance to the mind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I,
partially
, second this view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
play a crucial role in the life of adolescents.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, native works of indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contain lots of treasures which should
be taught
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who will
be benefited
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.
For example
, if students read all the national literary works which
are written
in their mother tongue, they will be able to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the variety of languages.
Besides
that, they can comprehend the local language by
truly
looking the insights into the language, such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
styles of sentences, the various genres of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
to convey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.
In addition
, they would become familiar with the tradition, customs and values of the local culture which would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "succour"
succours
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
in their study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
in social communication.
Thus
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavour' is British English.
endeavour
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
which
is fulfilled
with a valuable wealth of art and culture.

In contrast
, it is
also
beneficial for juveniles to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
due to broaden their knowledge.
For instance
, if the school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
grasp the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
literary works, this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to know about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
cultures and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will read the commentaries on politics, society and go through the insight into their cultural value, this,
invariably
, could confer them with a vast source of new information.
As a result
, they will be able to deal with foreigners who might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to increase the chances of being an intellectual personality of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Ergo, students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
oversea's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
for increasing the knowledge of the outer world.

In conclusion
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
emphasize on learning the native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
of local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, while others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
is beneficial to students.
However
, in my opinion, both types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
literature
should
be taught
in school to increase information
comprehensively
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Dancing plays an important role in a culture. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 273

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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