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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than determine their future for them. v.260

Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than determine their future for them. v. 260
Due to advanced medical solutions, the average lifespan of human being has increased, especially, in the developed countries. Although the higher elderly population has given rise to some problems, there are solutions. One of the first problems due to increased life expectancy is a huge burden on the taxpayers. Clearly, governments have to allocate more money towards the pension scheme in order to ensure the survival of the senior citizens. This can be made possible only by deducting additional tax from working population ages. Another major problem is added financial responsibility on the shoulders of the young members of the family. Older people are more prone to health-related issues and diseases, thus, the monthly expense of affected family is liable to rise, imposing extra spending on doctor’s visits and medication. In addition, youngsters have to sacrifice their time to take care of their older relatives. However, it is important to tackle these problems. Governments should ensure that the retirement age is raised. For example, the current pension age in most developed nations is 60. While the aged people are healthy and can work efficiently, they should be allowed to work at least till the age of 65. This could alleviate government responsibilities towards the senior population. Moreover, wealthy countries should strive to achieve further improvement in their healthcare sector by investing in more advanced medical research which can help reduce unhealthy conditions in old age, so that senior people can live a healthy life without relying on their offspring. In conclusion, the increase in life expectancy has raised the responsibility of governments and young individuals. However, intelligent new regulations such as increasing the retirement age and helping the senior citizens to live healthily could mitigate the impacts of the aging population.
Due to advanced medical solutions, the average lifespan of human being has increased,
especially
, in the
developed countries
. Although the higher elderly
population
has
given
rise to
some
problems
, there are solutions.

One of the
first
problems
due to increased life expectancy is a huge burden on the taxpayers.
Clearly
,
governments
have to
allocate more money towards the pension scheme in order to ensure the survival of the
senior
citizens. This can
be made
possible
only
by deducting additional tax from working
population
ages
. Another major
problem
is
added
financial responsibility on the shoulders of the young members of the family. Older
people
are more prone to health-related issues and diseases,
thus
, the monthly expense of
affected
family is liable to rise, imposing extra spending on doctor’s visits and medication.
In addition
, youngsters
have to
sacrifice their time to take care of their older relatives.

However
, it is
important
to tackle these
problems
.
Governments
should ensure that the retirement
age
is raised
.
For example
, the
current
pension
age
in most developed nations is 60. While the aged
people
are healthy and can work
efficiently
, they should be
allowed
to work at least till the
age
of 65. This could alleviate
government
responsibilities towards the
senior
population
.
Moreover
, wealthy countries should strive to achieve
further
improvement in their healthcare sector by investing in more advanced medical research which can
help
reduce
unhealthy conditions in
old
age
,
so
that
senior
people
can
live
a healthy life without relying on their offspring.

In conclusion
, the increase in life expectancy has raised the responsibility of
governments
and young individuals.
However
, intelligent new regulations such as increasing the retirement
age
and helping the
senior
citizens to
live
healthily
could mitigate the impacts of the aging
population
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Parents should allow children to make their own choices rather than determine their future for them. v. 260

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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