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Illiteracy continues to be a concern for many countries in the world today. What are the causes of illiteracy in the modern world, and what effects does it have on the people concerned and on society as a whole? v.3

Illiteracy continues to be a concern for many countries in the world today. What are the causes of illiteracy in the modern world, and what effects does it have on the people concerned and on society as a whole? v. 3
Recent informative documentaries show that vacant lands are scarce in our cities nowadays. Thus, there is a need to escalate development to the countryside. In spite of the popular belief that these areas should be protected from many new buildings, I am of the opinion that we should construct more homes there. To begin with, flooding the countryside with new homes will result to more employment opportunities. It is widely agreed that the more the people in an area, the more the jobs to be performed. Hence, the construction of additional residential structures in the countryside can attract men and women, with the vision of setting up companies, factories, in these regions. For example, the city of Port Harcourt, Nigeria, was never a busy town with employment opportunities. It got this potential when more people started coming in with new houses. Secondly, development would be achieved. This is because the owners and occupiers of these abodes would in turn, set up economic buildings like schools, small and medium scale enterprises, banks, etc. With these businesses and organizations in place, investors are attracted. When they come in, they set up additional places that could enhance the quality of lives of citizens. Social amenities like electricity, good roads and clean water, would become a reality. Consequently, education in those areas is transformed. The result of this is that more parents would be interested in sending their children and wards to those schools. It is only development that can turn a remote village into a city. In conclusion, I strongly believe that constructing more new homes in the countryside is a positive idea. It will bring about employment as well as development.
Recent informative documentaries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that vacant lands are scarce in our cities nowadays.
Thus
, there is a need to escalate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
In spite of
the popular belief that these areas should
be protected
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
buildings, I am of the opinion that we should construct more homes there.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, flooding the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
homes will result to more employment opportunities. It is
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
that the more the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in an area, the more the jobs to
be performed
.
Hence
, the construction of additional residential structures in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
can attract
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women, with the vision of setting up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, factories, in these regions.
For example
, the city of Port Harcourt, Nigeria, was never a busy town with employment opportunities. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
this potential when more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
coming in with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
would
be achieved
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the owners and occupiers of these abodes would in turn, set up economic buildings like schools,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and medium scale enterprises, banks, etc. With these businesses and organizations in place, investors
are attracted
. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
in, they set up additional places that could enhance the quality of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of citizens. Social amenities like electricity,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
roads and clean water, would become a reality.
Consequently
, education in those areas
is transformed
. The result of this is that more parents would
be interested
in sending their children and wards to those schools. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
that can turn a remote village into a city.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that constructing more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
homes in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. It will bring about employment
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Illiteracy continues to be a concern for many countries in the world today. What are the causes of illiteracy in the modern world, and what effects does it have on the people concerned and on society as a whole? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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