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Talk about a skill that you are good at, such as painting, playing a sport or studying. Explain why this skill is important to you v.1

Talk about a skill that you are good at, such as painting, playing a sport or studying. Explain why this skill is important to you v. 1
It is clear that some students nowadays have a tendency to get a temporary job or go on a trip for some time before they start to study at universities after they graduate from their high school. While I accept that there are several benefits and drawbacks of this option, I would argue that it is useful to take a gap year to work or travel. There will have some disadvantages for choosing to work or travel after high school in some particular extent. Students can face with the shortcoming that their fellows will be promoted soon because they do not choose to travel or work. As a result, they can become a professional manager or an expert in their field. Furthermore, young students who have just finished their studies at high school will not have a lot of money to cover their travelling's costs. That means they will ask for money from their parents, so it is not an advisable option. However, several advantages of this decision are undeniable. If students choose to work straight after graduating high school, they can get a lot of working experience, which will help them in their future jobs. For instance, students can know the ways to communicate with the customers well or handle with clients' complaints better. In addition, travelling can bring to young students some valuable experience. If they travel overseas, they will have the best environment to practice their English skills, this can help students a lot in their communication or negotiation in their work because English is the global language over the world. In conclusion, I believe that there are some benefits for students who have a year off to travel or work after graduating from high school prior to going to university although there also will be several notable downsides.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
nowadays have a tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a temporary job or go on a trip for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to study at universities after they graduate from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. While I accept that there are several benefits and drawbacks of this option, I would argue that it is useful to take a gap year to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or travel.

There will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages for choosing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
particular extent.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
can face with the shortcoming that their fellows will
be promoted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
As a result
, they can become a professional manager or an expert in their field.
Furthermore
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
finished their studies at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to cover their travelling's costs. That means they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
money from their parents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is not an advisable option.

However
, several advantages of this decision are undeniable. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
straight after
The verb 'to graduate' requires the preposition 'from': "graduating from".
graduating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
working experience, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their future jobs.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can know the ways to communicate with the customers well or handle with clients' complaints better.
In addition
, travelling can bring to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
valuable experience. If they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
overseas, they will have the best environment to practice their English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
a lot in their communication or negotiation in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
English is the global language over the world.

In conclusion
, I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who have a year off to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travel
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after graduating from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
prior to going to university although there
also
will be several notable downsides.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Talk about a skill that you are good at, such as painting, playing a sport or studying. Explain why this skill is important to you v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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