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choose a piec of clothing, bag, piece of jewellary or any other wearable item that you own and particularly like. Explain why you selected that item and why you like it? v.1

choose a piec of clothing, bag, piece of jewellary or any other wearable item that you own and particularly like. Explain why you selected that item and why you like it? v. 1
Nowadays, there are a huge number of students are deciding to continue further education abroad. While some drawbacks appeared when they carry out their studies activity based on this trend, I firmly believe that the benefits outweigh the demerits. On the one hand, there are some limitations for parents to allow their children to pursue their education abroad. Firstly, many of them never discharge themselves from their home and they experience the new situation. This situation makes most of them feel homesick, and due to this, it can make their study process more struggle. Fortunately, most of the prominent institutions have counseled agency for the overseas student so that they adjust themselves very well. Secondly, foreign students are more vulnerable when they have distance from family. This case makes all of them join the free society and the have a higher risk for drugs and crime. For instance, I also have a friend who quite frustrated with his activity in a foreign country and joined a banned organization. On the other hand, study abroad helps students to broaden their mental outlook towards the world as a whole. In a class, children will have various activities with students from a different country. As a result, they will learn about personality and other cultures. Furthermore, continue their education abroad make the learner have great comprehension about other country's trend and technology. Having an overseas degree provides an edge to the student in the international job market. In conclusion, I think overseas qualification not only change of employment, but also develop the mental and personality of the scholar. While there are some drawbacks occur, in my opinion, the benefits of reaching an international degree outweigh the disadvantages.
Nowadays, there are a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are deciding to continue
further
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks appeared when they carry out their studies activity based on this trend, I
firmly
believe that the benefits outweigh the demerits.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
limitations for parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
their children to pursue their education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them never discharge themselves from their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
home and
they experience the new situation. This situation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
most of them feel homesick, and due to this, it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their study process more struggle.
Fortunately
, most of the prominent institutions have counseled agency for the overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they adjust themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well.
Secondly
, foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are more vulnerable when they have distance from family. This case
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
all of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the free society and the have a higher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
for drugs and crime.
For instance
, I
also
have a friend who quite frustrated with his activity in a foreign country and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
a banned organization.

On the other hand
, study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to broaden their mental outlook towards the world as a whole. In a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, children will have various activities with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
country.
As a result
, they will learn about personality and other cultures.
Furthermore
, continue their education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the learner have great comprehension about other country's trend and technology. Having an overseas degree provides an edge to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
in the international job market.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
overseas qualification not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of employment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
develop the mental and personality of the scholar. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks occur, in my opinion, the benefits of reaching an international degree outweigh the disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay choose a piec of clothing, bag, piece of jewellary or any other wearable item that you own and particularly like. Explain why you selected that item and why you like it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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