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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well v.21

Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well v. 21
Achieving success in life is not easy and to do that, one has to overcome many obstacles. To become an achiever in life, some people explore different ways and some don't. According to me, if someone can take up new challenges, then only he or she becomes successful. Because by doing this, they can explore different opportunities and can face many adverse situations to overcome. Experiment with different things can unlock lots of new opportunities. For an example, Founder of Apple, Steve Jobs, has not stopped discovering only MacBook. He invents iPhone and makes many breakthroughs in the field of technology. Choosing a particular thing throughout the whole life, does not make any sense as trying out new scopes also unlock many new skill set which someone can excel more rather than other things he has tried before. Also, to get rid of monotonous life, we have to try out new fields. On the other side, we cannot call a person successful if he or she has not faced many different barriers and overcome it. The challenge will be different every time when someone explores new ideas, and they have to try hard and hard until they achieve something. Also a person can understand which skill suits him or her best by doing above. Not only this, but also it helps to build the character of a person strongly and helps someone to take never give up approach. To sum it up, success is not something which is easily available. To gain it, someone has to try out new things, challenge themselves and never back down from road blocks in the way of life. Those who are satisfied with the stability and never want to take the risk, success is not for them. We have many examples in front of us, and we have to follow those to climb the peak of our dreams by exploring new branches.
Achieving success in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is not easy and to do that, one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
overcome
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
obstacles. To become an achiever in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
ways and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
don't.
This phrase can sound awkward in English. Consider using "in my opinion" or "I think".
According to me
, if
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someone
can take up
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
challenges, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
he or she becomes successful.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
by doing this, they can explore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
opportunities and can face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adverse situations to overcome.

Experiment with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
things can unlock lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
opportunities. For an example, Founder of Apple, Steve Jobs, has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
discovering
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
MacBook. He invents iPhone and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
breakthroughs in the field of technology. Choosing a particular thing throughout the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any sense as trying out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
scopes
also
unlock
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
set which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
can excel more
rather
than other things he has tried
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Also
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of monotonous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
try out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
fields.

On the other side, we cannot call a person successful if he or she has not faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
barriers and overcome it. The challenge will be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
every time when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
explores
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, and they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
try
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
until they achieve something.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
a person can understand which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
suits him or her best by doing above. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to build the character of a person
strongly
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
to take never give up approach.

To sum it up, success is not something which is
easily
available. To gain it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
someone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
try out
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things, challenge themselves and never back down from road blocks in the way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Those who
are satisfied
with the stability and never want to take the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
, success is not for them. We have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples in front of us, and we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
follow those to climb the peak of our dreams by exploring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
branches.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well v. 21

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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