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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.195

The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 195
Many employees are paid an amount of payment for their outstanding courage and effort to the companies and it is a common way for managers to appreciate their staffs. Although this compensating motivates the employees to work harder and more effectively, there is still some contradictory opinion that it is not a high recommendation for the bosses to manage their personnels. In my personal view, cash as a reward in combination with other motivations can be the best way to encourage people. Firstly, all of the candidates when applying to a community pursue to a fair workplace environment, so that they would bring remarkable improvements to the party which fits with their requirements. To be more specific, they wish their earnings would be valued for what they devoted to their team. The primary wage is just the association’s promise to assure the staff’s life, while the bonus given the employees is counted for things over-expected. In other words, the bonus is the distinguish between a common staff and an efficient staff. They would improve their working skills to earn more pay. Secondly, labour is an asset that company always need and try to find out how to use efficiently because the team can take advantages from their employees more than the labour cost. The creativity and innovations that group receives from personnels drive it to save time, reduce the costs in order to increase the profit. Thus, what managers should do is set up a competitive environment in the association. Giving awards to hard working people, making people to desire it helps the bosses to be no longer confused about the human resource in their company. Last but not least, money is not all-time need. The managers could diversify the recompense such as stock, coupon, plane ticket or even some day-off. It would be cheaper than giving extra check as well that the employees still enjoy it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are paid
an amount of payment for their outstanding courage and effort to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and it is a common way for managers to appreciate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staffs
. Although this compensating motivates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to work harder and more
effectively
, there is
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
contradictory opinion that it is not a high recommendation for the bosses to manage their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "personnel", the plural form of the noun 'personnel'?
personnels
. In my personal view, cash as a reward in combination with other motivations can be the best way to encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Firstly
,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
candidates when applying to a community pursue to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
workplace environment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they would bring remarkable improvements to the party which fits with their requirements. To be more specific, they wish their earnings would
be valued
for what they devoted to their team. The primary wage is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the association’s promise to assure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff’s
life, while the bonus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
is counted
for things over-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.
In other words
, the bonus is
After 'the', do not use a verb. Make sure that the spelling of 'distinguish' is correct. If 'distinguish' is the first word in a compound adjective, use a hyphen between the two words. Note: This error message can occur if you use a verb as a noun, and the word is not a noun in standard English.
the distinguish
between a common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
and an efficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
staff
. They would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to earn more pay.

Secondly
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
is an asset that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
always need and try to find out how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
efficiently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the team can take advantages from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
more than the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
cost. The creativity and innovations that group receives from
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "personnel", the plural form of the noun 'personnel'?
personnels
drive it to save time,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the costs in order to increase the profit.
Thus
, what managers should do
is set
up a competitive environment in the association. Giving awards to
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to desire it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the bosses to be no longer confused about the human resource in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, money is not all-time need. The managers could diversify the recompense such as stock, coupon,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plane
ticket or even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
day-off. It would be cheaper than giving extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
as well
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
still
enjoy it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 195

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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