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You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific r v.41

Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific r v. 41
Many people believe that success is defined primarily by the amount of wealth an individual has. I strongly disagree with this notion and opine that it is actually happiness which is the major driver of success. This essay will discuss firstly, why success is a state of mind and secondly, that material riches cannot absolutely define success. While money can be thought of as a sign of achievement, it can in no way serve as a true barometer of success. What is most important in life is to have some sort of a passion and if one is able to realize his or her passion, they are an accomplished person in their own right. For example, teaching is not considered to be a high paying profession, yet many people choose it because they enjoy nurturing young minds and want to play their part in developing society’s future. Hence, for them, money is not the motivating factor but it is the invaluable experience they get from teaching. A person who has amassed a great fortune may be viewed by the contemporary society as being successful, but the fact of the matter is that money can neither buy happiness nor health. For instance, a research study performed on some hundred millionaires showed that almost forty percent of the participants had high functioning depression. Even though these people had wealth, they were not necessarily content with their lives. To conclude, it must be reiterated that material possessions like large houses and exotic cars should not define a person’s success and that anyone who lives to realize their true passion should be considered equally accomplished.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is defined
primarily
by the amount of wealth an individual has. I
strongly
disagree with this notion and opine that it is actually happiness which is the major driver of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. This essay will discuss
firstly
, why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
is a state of mind and
secondly
, that material riches cannot
absolutely
define success.

While money can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of achievement, it can in no way serve as a true barometer of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. What is most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in life is to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
If 'sort' is a classification term, 'a' is not necessary. Use "sort of". (The phrases 'kind of' and 'sort of' are informal if they mean 'to some extent'.)
sort of a
passion and if one is able to realize
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
passion, they are an accomplished person in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
right.
For example
, teaching is not considered to be a high paying profession,
yet
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
choose it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they enjoy nurturing young minds and want to play their part in developing society’s future.
Hence
, for them, money is not the motivating factor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is the invaluable experience they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from teaching.

A person who has amassed a great fortune may
be viewed
by the contemporary society as being successful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the fact of the matter is that money can neither
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
happiness nor health.
For instance
, a research study performed on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hundred millionaires
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that almost forty percent of the participants had high functioning depression.
Even though
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had wealth, they were not
necessarily
content with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

To conclude
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be reiterated
that material possessions like large
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and exotic cars should not define a person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
and that anyone who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to realize their true passion should
be considered
equally
accomplished.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific r v. 41

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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