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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In a team, those who do not accept others’ criticism cannot succeed. v.175

In a team, those who do not accept others’ criticism cannot succeed. v. 175
There is a debate on whether the budget universities spend on sports activities should be equal to that of libraries. I strongly agree with the statement due to the benefits of sports which will be explained in the following essay. It is true that sports provide students with good health which is essential for their studies. If students are ill or not physically fit, they will find it difficult to catch up with their lessons because studying is stressful to some extent, which requires students to be physically healthy besides being smart. Therefore, playing sports can boost students’ physical strength and allow them to perform better at school. In addition, students can learn valuable skills through sports activities. Team sports such as football and basketball teach them the importance of teamwork and collaboration skill. Meanwhile, individual sports like swimming and running enhance their independence. These skills play a significant role in their studies because students will work together on group assignments or by themselves in individual projects. Furthermore, these transferable skills can help students obtain success in their future careers. Last but not least, sports activities allow students to discover more about themselves, especially their hidden talents and passions. It is the fact that some students do not know what they are passionate about until they start playing sports. They might pick up a sport to play for pleasure at the beginning, then gradually explore their abilities at that activity and finally turn it into their profession. Meanwhile, for those who are gifted in sports, these activities can nurture and polish their talents, thus encouraging them to pursue their dreams. To conclude, to stay healthy physically and mentally is as vital as being good at academic. As a result, universities are advised to invest an equal amount of money in sports activities as they do in libraries. .
There is a debate on whether the budget universities spend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
should be equal to that of libraries. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement due to the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
which will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the following essay.

It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
health which is essential for their studies. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are ill or not
physically
fit, they will find it difficult to catch up with their lessons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
studying is stressful to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, which requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be
physically
healthy
besides
being smart.
Therefore
, playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can boost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
physical strength and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to perform better at school.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
such as football and basketball teach them the importance of teamwork and collaboration
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
. Meanwhile, individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like swimming and running enhance their independence. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
play a significant role in their studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will work together on group assignments or by themselves in individual projects.
Furthermore
, these transferable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
obtain success in their future careers.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to discover more about themselves,
especially
their hidden talents and passions. It is the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
do not know what they are passionate about until they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. They might pick up a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
to play for pleasure at the beginning, then
gradually
explore their abilities at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and
finally
turn it into their profession. Meanwhile, for those who
are gifted
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
can nurture and polish their talents,
thus
encouraging them to pursue their dreams.

To conclude
, to stay healthy
physically
and mentally is as vital as being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at academic.
As a result
, universities
are advised
to invest an equal amount of money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as they do in libraries.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In a team, those who do not accept others’ criticism cannot succeed. v. 175

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
308 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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