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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People who cannot accept criticism from others cannot be successful at working in a group Use reasons and examples to explain your choice. v.85

People who cannot accept criticism from others cannot be successful at working in a group Use reasons and examples to explain your choice. v. 85
Certainly, these days adults have completely neglected to exercise in their lives. It is believed by some people that grownups can live healthy lives by taking part in global sports competitions. Whereas others consider more effective approaches to encourage them to exercise. In my opinion, There are definitely various effective ways to attract adults towards exercising such as through campaigns and free gymnasiums at workplaces. Many adults easily get inspired and impressed by their favourite sports players they watch on television. Most of them have achieved an athletic physique after non-stop exercises and several physical activities and have the tendency to perform continuously. However, for others participating in sports events like World Cups or Olympics can be quite demanding as they require players to have great physical stamina, time commitment and muscular endurance. For instance, working professionals do not have extra time and energy left after 9 hours of continuous work. Therefore, they end up spending rest of their day on a couch and are living a monotonous life. People could be propelled to be physically active if the government runs campaigns by promoting the benefits of exercising. To illustrate, Pakistan’s Prime Minister Imran Khan launches “fit and obese free Pakistan” where he shared his exercise routine behind his fitness and strong personality. Consequently, a lot of his followers started to actively follow his steps. Also, I think working individuals should be surrounded with a supportive and propelling environment. For example, organizations can open free gymnasiums for their employees, so they can be motivated and start their day with workouts. To conclude, as mentioned above, there are better ways to push adults to exercise than participating in worldwide sports games which require time, dedication, non-stop struggle and physical strength, hence which is not everyone’s cup of tea.
Certainly
, these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
have completely neglected to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. It
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that grownups can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
healthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by taking part in global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
competitions.
“Whereas” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Whereas
others consider more effective approaches to encourage them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. In my opinion, There are definitely various effective ways to attract
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
towards exercising such as through campaigns and free gymnasiums at workplaces.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired and impressed by their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
players they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
on television. Most of them have achieved an athletic physique after non-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
and several physical activities and have the tendency to perform
continuously
.
However
, for others participating in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
like World Cups or Olympics can be quite demanding as they require players to have great physical stamina, time commitment and muscular endurance.
For instance
, working professionals do not have extra time and energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
after 9 hours of continuous work.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up spending rest of their day on a couch and are living a monotonous life.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
could
be propelled
to be
physically
active if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
runs campaigns by promoting the benefits of exercising. To illustrate, Pakistan’s Prime Minister
Possible spelling mistake found.
Imran
Khan launches “fit and obese free Pakistan” where he shared his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
routine behind his fitness and strong personality.
Consequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
his followers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
actively
follow his steps.

Also
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
working individuals should
be surrounded
with a supportive and propelling environment.
For example
, organizations can open free gymnasiums for their employees,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can
be motivated
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their day with workouts.

To conclude
, as mentioned above, there are better ways to push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
than participating in worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
games which require time, dedication, non-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
struggle and physical strength,
hence
which is not everyone’s cup of tea.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People who cannot accept criticism from others cannot be successful at working in a group Use reasons and examples to explain your choice. v. 85

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
297 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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