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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People today put too much emphasis on personal appearance and fashion. v.146

People today put too much emphasis on personal appearance and fashion. v. 146
There is a saying that "prevention is better than cure". It is better to take care about the prevention of health problems and sickness rather than curing and discovering a medicine. It is better if the authorities would use their funds in order to avoid causes of diseases. I agree with this perception and I will explain my reasons in the following passage. On one hand, medical sciences has been drastically improved in its way of inventing new medicines. As medical facilities and treatments developed in recent years, human life expectancy has also increased. At the same time, the government must have its concentration regarding the causes due to which many new infections are being spread in society. It would be better for society if the reasons for the disease are being prevented. For example, The authorities can keep our country clean and reduce the pollutions caused by different factors. On the other hand, the government has always been spending a lot of funds in inventing the related medicine to a particular infection. In some cases, one country needs to take the help of the other countries in order to get the medicines. Indirectly, this lower's the country's pride of the nation as it has raised its hands for not able to find the medicine by their own. Accordingly, this can be avoided if the country takes some steps before the origin of a problem. After having considered all the points that I have discussed above, we can finally draw a conclusion that always preventing the causes of disease is better than striving to invent a remedy. I agree that the authorities must use their funds to keep their country hydrated.
There is a saying that
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
prevention is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than cure
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
to take care about the prevention of health problems and sickness
rather
than curing and discovering a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
. It is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
if the authorities would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their funds in order to avoid causes of diseases. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this perception and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my reasons in the following passage.

On one hand, medical sciences has been
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
in its way of inventing new medicines. As medical facilities and treatments developed in recent years, human life expectancy has
also
increased.

At the same time, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have its concentration regarding the causes due to which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
new infections are
being spread
in society. It would be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for society if the reasons for the disease are being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
.
For example
, The authorities can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
clean and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pollutions caused by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
factors.

On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has always been spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
funds in inventing the related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
to a particular infection. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
needs to take the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the medicines.
Indirectly
, this
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "lowers", "lows"?
lower's
the country's pride of the nation as it has raised its hands for not able to find the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medicine
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Accordingly
, this can
be avoided
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the origin of a problem.

After having considered all the points that I have discussed above, we can
finally
draw a conclusion that always preventing the causes of disease is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
than striving to invent a remedy. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the authorities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their funds to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
hydrated.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People today put too much emphasis on personal appearance and fashion. v. 146

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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