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93. Most residents want crime reduced in their cities. What is the most important factor that will help in significantly reducing crime in your city? Use examples and reasons to support your response. v.1

93. Most residents want crime reduced in their cities. What is the most important factor that will help in significantly reducing crime in your city? Use examples and reasons to support your response. v. 1
The clear definition of a victory is subjective, many perceive accomplish in different ways, for some it is huge bank balance, for others it is something else. This essay will explain that success should be measured in terms of fame, which in real sense makes one successful. The pivotal attribute that proves the success of a human is the popularity. To elaborate, a person who thrives for excellence, or someone who is selfless to help people around, need not necessarily have a lump sum amount in bank. A poor villager, for instance, was given an award of appreciation for his dedication to educate farmers to cultivate crops with maximum benefits. It is such recognition and effort that adds meaning to life and society; it will always be remembered, therefore, it it clear that fame is the actual measure of victory. The only way a person can become successful is to be committed. Throughout the world the famous leaders have zeal and dedication towards a purpose. It is their rigorous hard work and plans that will become favourable to add to their success stories. With due respect, Dr A. P. J Abdul Kalam, became the President of India only because of mere hard work and dedication. Hence it is proved that sincere commitment will make a person successful. To conclude, Measuring successfulness in terms of money is meaningless. Those who always remain in memories are the ones who have contributed to societies, ultimately, humans are required to give importance to effort rather than materialistic things.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
definition of a victory is subjective,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
perceive accomplish in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
it is huge bank balance, for others it is something else. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that success should
be measured
in terms of fame, which in real sense
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
one successful.

The pivotal attribute that proves the success of a human is the popularity. To elaborate, a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
thrives for excellence, or someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is selfless to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around, need not
necessarily
have a lump sum amount in bank. A poor villager,
for instance
, was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
an award of appreciation for his dedication to educate farmers to cultivate crops with maximum benefits. It is such recognition and effort that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
meaning to life and society; it will always
be remembered
,
therefore
,
It seems you either mean "it is", "if it", "it" or there is a comma missing: "it, it".
it it
Did you mean "clears"?
clear
that fame is the actual measure of victory.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way a person can become successful is to
be committed
. Throughout the world the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
leaders have zeal and dedication towards a purpose. It is their rigorous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and plans that will become
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to their success stories. With due respect, Dr A. P. J Abdul
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kalam
, became the President of India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of mere
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and dedication.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
it
is proved
that sincere commitment will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a person successful.

To conclude
, Measuring successfulness in terms of money is meaningless. Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
always remain in memories are the ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have contributed to societies,
ultimately
, humans
are required
to give importance to effort
rather
than materialistic things.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay 93. Most residents want crime reduced in their cities. What is the most important factor that will help in significantly reducing crime in your city? Use examples and reasons to support your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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