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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children should not have to work or help with household tasks; their only responsibility should be to study. v.141

Children should not have to work or help with household tasks; their only responsibility should be to study. v. 141
It is widely held believe that museum entry fee should not be taken. But, there is a strong counter argument amongst a section of people that it should have some entry fees, however, I am of opinion that this is a matter that can be debated in light of several factors in reasonable conclusion can be drawn. The first and foremost reason is to provide an opportunity for everyone to visit at these kind of places. To be more precise, people who belong to below poverty line are always denied to visit at the Museum due to lack of money. Eventually, it increases the level of dominating society by providing, free of cost, then it makes it easier to reduce the determinants among these people. Another was mentioning reason is to get more chance of popularity worldwide. Because, it is free of cost, then more and more people were visiting there and able to enhance their knowledge about a specific Nation in the whole world which acts as an advertisement in front of others. For example, a survey carried by famous scientist Mr. Robinson, at University, New Zealand revealed that the museum at Amritsar "Punjab history" is increasing 80% popularity in five years by providing free entry. On the other side, there is a certain group of people who vehemently that entry fee should be there. Firstly, this amount is helpful for the maintenance of museums. Because, this building is costly to maintain properly. As well it can be demolished if it does not get more money. So, keeping entry fees is helpful in maintenance. Secondly, it helps to increase the economy of the nation. Because, the collection of this money helps to make an interactive structure of buildings, which definitely helpful to increase the tourism in the countries. Thus, tourism helps to boost economy directly. To conclude, after analysing both views I opine that museums should have some entry fee because Money helps in various ways for these buildings as well Nations.
It is
widely
held believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
should not
be taken
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, there is a strong counter argument amongst a section of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that it should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
,
however
, I am of opinion that this is a matter that can
be debated
in light of several factors in reasonable conclusion can
be drawn
.

The
first
and foremost reason is to provide an opportunity for everyone to visit at
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of places. To be more precise,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who belong to below poverty line are always
The verb 'denied' is used with the gerund form: "denied visiting".
denied to visit
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Museum
due to lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Eventually
, it increases the level of dominating society by providing, free of cost, then it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the determinants
Do not mix variants of the same word ('among' and 'amongst') within a single text.
among
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Another was mentioning reason is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more chance of popularity worldwide.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, it is free of cost, then more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were visiting there and able to enhance their knowledge about a specific Nation in the whole world which acts as an advertisement in front of others.
For example
, a survey carried by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
scientist Mr. Robinson, at University, New Zealand revealed that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
at Amritsar
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Punjab history
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
is increasing 80% popularity in five years by providing free entry.

On the other side, there is a certain group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
vehemently
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
should be there.
Firstly
, this amount is helpful for the maintenance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, this building is costly to maintain
properly
. As
The comma is probably missing here: "well, it".
well it
can
be demolished
if it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, keeping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
is helpful in maintenance.
Secondly
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to increase the economy of the nation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, the collection of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an interactive structure of buildings, which definitely helpful to increase the tourism in the countries.
Thus
, tourism
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to boost economy
directly
.

To conclude
, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
both views I opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
should have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entry
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in various ways for these buildings
as well
Nations.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Children should not have to work or help with household tasks; their only responsibility should be to study. v. 141

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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