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The charts below show the destination of secondary school leavers foryoung Australians in 1980, 1990 and 2000. v.1

The charts below show the destination of secondary school leavers foryoung Australians in 1980, 1990 and 2000. v. 1
Nowadays, one's own vehicle has massively increased for the freedom of movement it gives, and it is telling the level of standard of an individual. The vehicle usage is high, even though it has a negative impact on society. This situation mainly affects the environment and human life. They are some solutions to bring down the effect of this problem. Firstly, the problem given by the use of the automobile is environmental destruction. The automobile vehicles are running with petrol or diesel, where the chemical formula of this fuel will emit a gas after the injection taken place in the engine, this emits gas is a threat to the environment. For example, in a survey in 2019, the emitted gas from private motor vehicle has created a high global warming and the ozone layer hole was enlarged. Moreover, the human should not inhale this gas because it will lead to many diseases like cough and cold, cancer attack in various parts of the body, immunity level reduction. There are some solutions to solve the high usage of the automobile. One way to save is to introduce electric driven vehicle with the help of technology, and this makes the elimination of the usage of fuel. By doing so, the dangerous gases will not come to the society. Another step to deal with the vehicle reduction is to have a public awareness program throughout the city with the help of government, so this at least change something in individual behaviour because of the government involvement. In conclusion, the introduction of the electric-driven vehicle will have a great advantage in the reduction of gas by completely eliminating fuel use. The public can also change with the steps taken by the government.
Nowadays, one's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
has
massively
increased for the freedom of movement it gives, and it is telling the level of standard of an individual. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
usage is high,
even though
it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on society. This situation
mainly
affects the environment and human life. They are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to bring down the effect of this problem.

Firstly
, the problem
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of the automobile is environmental destruction. The automobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
are running with petrol or diesel, where the chemical formula of this fuel will emit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
after the injection taken place in the engine, this emits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
is a threat to the environment.
For example
, in a survey in 2019, the emitted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
from private motor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
has created a high global warming and the ozone layer hole
was enlarged
.
Moreover
, the human should not inhale this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it will lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases like cough and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cold
, cancer attack in various parts of the body, immunity level reduction.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to solve the high usage of the automobile. One way to save is to introduce electric driven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of technology, and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the elimination of the usage of fuel. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
gases will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the society. Another step to deal with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
reduction is to have a public awareness program throughout the city with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this at least
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
something in individual
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
involvement.

In conclusion
, the introduction of the electric-driven
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
will have a great advantage in the reduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gas
by completely eliminating fuel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. The public can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
with the steps taken by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay The charts below show the destination of secondary school leavers foryoung Australians in 1980, 1990 and 2000. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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