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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To remain happy and optimistic when you fail is more important than achieving success. v.552

To remain happy and optimistic when you fail is more important than achieving success. v. 552
As some people may hold the view that it is impossible to remain optimistic when an individual experiences a failure; however, some others take an opposite viewpoint and believe that it is possible and it is more important to be happy in achieving the success. I personally agree with second option. In the following paragraphs I will delve into the most outstanding reasons which persuade me to put forward this idea. The first exquisite reason which advocates my viewpoint is the importance of lessons which are gained by these failures. It is cogently obvious that a several failures pave the path to success. In the other word, by experiencing the various weaknesses it will be possible to choice the best method and guarantee the success. In this condition, if an individual misses his hopes and optimisms about the achieving the success, it will be inevitable to become successful; even his real potential is more closed to the success. A vivid example can be given to shed light on the subject is my sister' s example. She was willing to study the architecture in the university; however, in her first try in the exam she did not obtain the sufficient point in this filed of the study. She did not miss her optimisms and she tried harder with organized schedule and in her second try, she gained the acceptance from one of the prestige university. The last one which confirms the accuracy of my perspective is that life is too short to be obsessed with being successful. As a matter of fact, each individual spends his span of life by the experiences and mistakes; besides, there are no any guarantees to assure the success in each try. Even in a case which had a successful achievement for an individual, it is possible not to present those results for another person. The main point of this scenario is that, does really these failures deserve a person losses his hope and becomes depressed? The main purpose in the individual' s life is the self-satisfaction and a joyful period in life and they can be defined with the subjects beyond the success in a specific task. The noteworthy interesting research conducted in my country Iran illustrates, the main self-satisfaction of the sixty nine percent of the people in specific region concludes the calmness and stress-free life which is irrelevant to the success in their life. To wrap it up, all aforementioned reasons and examples lead us to conclusion that success in the task is not main purpose of the happiness and by each failure the chance of being successful increases, the point is that not to miss the optimisms and try till achieve the success.
As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may hold the view that it is impossible to remain optimistic when an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
experiences a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others take an opposite viewpoint and believe that it is possible and it is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to be happy in achieving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with second option. In the following paragraphs I will delve into the most outstanding reasons which persuade me to put forward this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
.

The
first
exquisite reason which advocates my viewpoint is the importance of lessons which
are gained
by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failures
. It is
cogently
obvious that a several
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "failure"?
failures
pave the path to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. In the other word, by experiencing the various weaknesses it will be possible to choice the best method and guarantee the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. In this condition, if an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
misses his hopes and optimisms about the achieving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
, it will be inevitable to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
; even his real potential is more closed to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
. A vivid example can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on the subject is my
Possible spelling mistake found.
sister&
#039; s example. She was willing to study the architecture in the university;
however
, in her
first
try in the exam she did not obtain the sufficient point in this filed of the study. She did not miss her
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
optimisms and
she tried harder with organized schedule and in her second try, she gained the acceptance from one of the prestige university.

The last one which confirms the accuracy of my perspective is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is too short to
be obsessed
with being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. As a matter of fact, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
spends his span of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
by the experiences and mistakes;
besides
, there are
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any guarantees to assure the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in each try. Even in a case which had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
achievement for an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
, it is possible not to present those results for another person. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
point of this scenario is that, does
really
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failures
deserve a person losses his hope and becomes depressed? The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
purpose in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
individual&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is the self-satisfaction and a joyful period in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they can
be defined
with the subjects beyond the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in a specific task.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
noteworthy interesting research conducted in my country Iran illustrates, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
self-satisfaction of the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
sixty nine
percent of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in specific region concludes the calmness and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
-free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which is irrelevant to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in their life.

To wrap it up, all aforementioned reasons and examples lead us to conclusion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in the task is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
main
purpose of the happiness and by each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
failure
the chance of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
increases, the point is that not to miss the optimisms and try till achieve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay To remain happy and optimistic when you fail is more important than achieving success. v. 552

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
451 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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