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do you agree or disagree with this sentence? to remain happy and optimistic when you fail is more important than achieving success. v.1

with this sentence? to remain happy and optimistic when you fail is more important than achieving success. v. 1
It goes without saying that work from home has proved to be beneficial for the workforce. Some people argue that only employees are benefited by this and not the employers. In my opinion, it is a win-win situation for both employees and employers. There are many reasons to support the argument / view that employers benefit when their workers work from home. To begin with, a company has to spend a lot of money for the construction of buildings as well as for maintaining infrastructure. If a company allows its employees to work from home, they can save money. Moreover, the other expenses incurred by the employer to provide basic facilities to employees such as electricity, meals, and sanitation are also saved. On top of it, employers prefer to have these kinds of employees as they agree to work on less salary. Therefore, employers are benefited by the latest technology of working online. Online work has proved to a boon for employees as well. They can save money and time as they do not have to commute daily. This reduces the traffic on the roads which is positive for the whole society. Furthermore, some female workers who cannot step out of their homes due to their responsibilities, also get a chance to work and feel proud of themselves. Working from home is also beneficial for salaried people who want to earn some extra income from their home. For example, some people do “data entry jobs” available on websites of many companies. In conclusion, after analysing the situation it is not hard to see that working from home benefits both the employer and the employee. In my opinion, this is a positive trend and hence it should be promoted.
It goes without saying that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home has proved to be beneficial for the workforce.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are benefited
by this and not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
. In my opinion, it is a win-win situation for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons to support the argument / view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
benefit when their workers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money for the construction of buildings
as well
as for maintaining infrastructure. If a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home, they can save money.
Moreover
, the other expenses incurred by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
to provide basic facilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
such as electricity, meals, and sanitation are
also
saved. On top of it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
prefer to have these kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on less salary.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
are benefited
by the latest technology of working online.

Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has proved to a boon for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
as well
. They can save money and time as they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
commute daily. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the traffic on the roads which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
for the whole society.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
female workers who cannot step out of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
due to their responsibilities,
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and feel proud of themselves. Working from home is
also
beneficial for salaried
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who want to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extra income from their home.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do “data entry jobs” available on websites of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

In conclusion
, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the situation it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that working from home benefits both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend and
hence
it should
be promoted
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay with this sentence? to remain happy and optimistic when you fail is more important than achieving success. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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