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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? LOYALTY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT QUALITY IN MAKING FRIEND v.118

LOYALTY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT QUALITY IN MAKING FRIEND v. 118
It has been observed that most of the wealthy nations provide financial support to the impoverished countries. But, unfortunately this does not help the underdeveloped nations to solve their problems. So I completely agree that, these nations require other sources of aid from developed countries to eradicate poverty from poor countries. To embark on, although the financial support resolves some of the problems such as public health issues by providing free health service during floods and droughts, but most of the other issues like literacy, GDP and economical growth remains unsolved. For instance, the united states of America provide financial aid to the poor nations like Iran and Syria during their difficult conditions but still they remain as underdeveloped countries. To turn on possible other aids, firstly, wealthy nations should invest some money in the economically deprived countries to build free educational services to increase the literacy rate, which in turn help in the economic growth by attaining good jobs by the people of the poor nations. Education is the key to resolve many of the problems in any part of the world. Secondly, most of the countries are remained poor because of improper laws and rules followed. So, developed countries should help these nations to build strong constitution and bring strict amendments in the law. Furthermore, rich countries should also provide free health services and establish hospitals with modern techniques. To conclude, only financial support from wealthy countries does not eradicate the poverty in the poorer nations, they should also help them in others ways like bringing up literacy rate and providing free medical service.
It has
been observed
that most of the wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support to the impoverished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, unfortunately this does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to solve their problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
sources of aid from developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to eradicate poverty from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
countries.

To embark on, although the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support resolves
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
problems such as public health issues by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
during floods and droughts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
issues like literacy, GDP and
Did you mean "economic" (=connected with economy)?
economical
growth remains unsolved.
For instance
, the
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
united states of America
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aid to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
like Iran and Syria during their difficult conditions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
they remain as underdeveloped countries.

To turn on possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aids,
firstly
, wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should invest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money in the
economically
deprived
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
to increase the literacy rate, which in turn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in the economic growth by attaining
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
jobs by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. Education is the key to resolve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the problems in any part of the world.
Secondly
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are remained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of improper laws and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
followed.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
to build strong constitution and bring strict amendments in the law.
Furthermore
, rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should
also
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
and establish hospitals with modern techniques.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
support from wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
does not eradicate the poverty in the poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
, they should
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in others ways like bringing up literacy rate and providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay LOYALTY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT QUALITY IN MAKING FRIEND v. 118

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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