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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents should be involved in the process of helping their children to choose a career. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion. v.106

Parents should be involved in the process of helping their children to choose a career. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion. v. 106
Undoubtedly, music plays an indispensable role in bridging the gap between different cultures and people of varied age groups. Some folks believe it to be the best way of blending different traditions and ages, whereas some set of peoples disagrees. In my opinion, I agree with the view of binding different culture and ages together by music. Firstly, music is considered to be the best art of expressing words and feeling to others by incorporating sounds of various instruments. In fact, people develop strong bondings with each other regardless of cultures and ages. For example, a study by Oxford university has proved that the majority of the people are fascinated towards varying cultures and tradition only because of soothing song even when they do not understand the language. Secondly, there is no boundary of age when it comes to music, which gives an everlasting connection between the adolescents and the aged people. To illustrate, many old tunes and songs have been remixed to establish a healthy connection between young and old generation which results in providing them insight into the traditions, rituals and also help them to broaden their horizons of knowledge. Lastly, the song is also considered to be the best psychological therapy for medical treatment. In other words, we can say that music and rhythm can heal the wounds and gather many people with the same symptoms to take part in the treatment process. For instance, many people face the problem of insomnia irrespective of the age can undergo the musical treatment to get rid of this disorder and cultivate healthy relationships. In conclusion, music can influence the world to come under one roof. It helps in shrinking the gap between the people of varying ages. In addition to this, it also glues people from multitudes of cultures
Undoubtedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
plays an indispensable role in bridging the gap between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of varied
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
folks believe it to be the best way of blending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
traditions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
set of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
disagrees. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the view of binding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
together by music.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
is considered
to be the best art of expressing words and feeling to others by incorporating sounds of various instruments. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
develop strong
Possible spelling mistake found.
bondings
with each other regardless of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
.
For example
, a study by Oxford university has proved that the majority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are fascinated
towards varying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and tradition
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of soothing song even when they do not understand the language.

Secondly
, there is no boundary of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
, which gives an everlasting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
the adolescents and the aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
tunes and songs have
been remixed
to establish a healthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
young and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
generation which results in providing them insight into the traditions, rituals and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to broaden their horizons of knowledge.

Lastly
, the song is
also
considered to be the best psychological therapy for medical treatment.
In other words
, we can say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
and rhythm can heal the wounds and gather
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the same symptoms to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in the treatment process.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
face the problem of insomnia irrespective of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
can undergo the musical treatment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of this disorder and cultivate healthy relationships.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
can influence the world to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
under one roof. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in shrinking the gap between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of varying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
.
In addition
to this, it
also
glues
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from multitudes of
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
cultures
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A man who knows two languages is worth two men.
French Proverb

IELTS essay Parents should be involved in the process of helping their children to choose a career. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion. v. 106

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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