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Do you agree or disagree? Media are less concerned about the accuracy of news in compared with the past. v.31

Media are less concerned about the accuracy of news in compared with the past. v. 31
Educating parents regarding good parenting skills is the correct method to decrease the juvenile criminal activities. In my opinion, I agree as I believe that they are the primary members in the family and have the influence to correct the children's behaviour. A good reason why parents need good skills is because of the fact that they are the role model for their offspring. In other words, children generally observe and imitate their mother or father's behaviours on a daily basis. In Sydney Juvenile Centre, for instance, four-fifth of the youth prisoners came from crime families, which cause them to grow up in a toxic environment and follow their paths. Another point to consider is the fact these skills provide the necessary guidance in unexpected circumstances such as sudden death, sickness or disagreement. Both mother and father ought to have the knowledge to advice the right information for their offspring, as they have volatile emotions and thoughts. For example, in early 2000, Melbourne's governments established a regulation where it is mandatory for new parents to attend parenting classes. Due to this, the youth criminal activity has decreased significantly over the last few years in Australia. Lastly, educating the parents will allow them to gain the understanding on how to discipline their child correctly. Several punishments such as time-out and restriction, often will cause the children to feel neglected, since they need to be taught instead of being punished. If parents do not correct their misbehaviours properly, then children will likely to break the rules, and eventually the laws. In conclusion, parents ought to be educated in order to guide their children in the lawful path. The cost of the parenting skills will be recouped many times over the benefit it brings.
Educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
regarding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is the correct method to decrease the juvenile criminal activities. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
as I believe that they are the primary members in the family and have the influence to correct the children's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
is
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "because".
because of the fact that
they are the role model for their offspring.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
generally
observe and imitate their mother or father's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
on a daily basis. In Sydney Juvenile
Possible spelling mistake. 'Centre' is British English.
Centre
,
for instance
, four-fifth of the youth prisoners came from crime families, which cause them to grow up in a toxic environment and follow their paths.

Another point to consider is the fact these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
provide the necessary guidance in unexpected circumstances such as sudden death, sickness or disagreement. Both mother and father ought to have the knowledge to advice the right information for their offspring, as they have volatile emotions and thoughts.
For example
, in early 2000, Melbourne's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
established a regulation where it is mandatory for new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to attend parenting classes. Due to this, the youth criminal activity has decreased
significantly
over the last few years in Australia.

Lastly
, educating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to gain the understanding on how to discipline their child
correctly
. Several punishments such as time-out and restriction,
The adverb 'often' is usually put between 'will' and 'cause'.
often will cause
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to feel neglected, since they need to
be taught
instead
of
being punished
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not correct their
Possible spelling mistake found.
misbehaviours
properly
, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will likely to break the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, and
eventually
the laws.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
ought to
be educated
in order to guide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the lawful path. The cost of the parenting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
will
be recouped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times over the benefit it brings.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Media are less concerned about the accuracy of news in compared with the past. v. 31

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
291 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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