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do you agree or disagree? improving school is the most important factor for successful development of a country. v.30

improving school is the most important factor for successful development of a country. v. 30
It is a matter of debate whether toddlers should go to pre-primary schools or spend the whole day with parents. In my opinion, small children must attend kindergarten so that they are groomed well to attend primary school efficiently. This essay shall delve into both the views and present my opinion. Of course, young children need the love and attention of their parents. They are happiest and safest when their parents are around. Also, toddlers are too young to start formal schooling. At this age, they should be allowed to have as much fun as they want. Even so, in my opinion, keeping kids at home all the time is not a wise idea because it may affect their social and communication skills. This was not really an issue when people lived in large joint families where they could meet and talk to ten or twenty people on a regular basis. However, in the modern world of nuclear families, a pre-primary school is the only place where kids can safely interact with others. Sending children to pre primary school has a plethora of merits. Firstly, spending a couple of hours in this setting will instill confidence in toddlers. They will not feel out of place when they go to the primary school where they stay for the longer duration. Secondly, acquisition of the basic skills mentioned above is faster in children who attend these schools. To illustrate, a recent survey by Child Psychology Association of India, fortifies the above notion that children going to kindergartens acquire language and communication skills faster than their peers who stay at home all the time. Lastly, a well groomed child in pre primary school adjusts better to the requirements of primary school. In conclusion, keeping young children at home all the time is understandable from the point of view of security. However / Even so, sending kids to pre-primary school is highly recommended because the skills they learn from this place will benefit them immensely when they go to primary school.
It is a matter of debate whether toddlers should go to
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
or spend the whole day with parents. In my opinion,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
attend kindergarten
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they
are groomed
well to attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
efficiently
. This essay shall delve into both the views and present my opinion.

Of course
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and attention of their parents. They are happiest and safest when their parents are around.
Also
, toddlers are too young to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
formal schooling. At this age, they should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to have as much fun as they want. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, in my opinion, keeping kids at home all the time is not a wise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it may affect their social and communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. This was not
really
an issue when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in large joint families where they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
and talk to ten or twenty
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on a regular basis.
However
, in the modern world of nuclear families, a
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
place where kids can
safely
interact with others.

Sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
has a plethora of merits.
Firstly
, spending a couple of hours in this setting will instill confidence in toddlers. They will not feel out of place when they go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
where they stay for the longer duration.
Secondly
, acquisition of the basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
mentioned above is faster in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who attend these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. To illustrate, a recent survey by Child Psychology Association of India, fortifies the above notion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
going to kindergartens acquire language and communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
faster than their peers who stay at home all the time.
Lastly
, a well groomed child in
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
adjusts better to the requirements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
school.

In conclusion
, keeping young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at home all the time is understandable from the point of view of security.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
/ Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, sending kids to
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is
highly
recommended
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
they learn from this place will benefit them
immensely
when they go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay improving school is the most important factor for successful development of a country. v. 30

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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