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Do you agree or disagree with the following: Some people believe that video games could inspire young students interest and make their study more efficient rather than distract them and be a waste of time, so young students should be allowed to play video v.1

with the following: Some people believe that video games could inspire young students interest and make their study more efficient rather than distract them and be a waste of time, so young students should be allowed to play video v. 1
Similarity between the countries is increasing as people are able to get things from anywhere across the world. Due to this, it has reduced the need to travel and it has facilitated our lives. From my perspective, this is advantageous for the people. When we are able to get the things we want from the place we live, this reduces the need to travel which in turn helps us in saving money. If we want to buy a product native to a particular country, we can find it even in our country. For example, people living in the United States find the south India foods as delicious, due to the reason they find it in their country, they don not have to travel to India to eat it. In addition to this, the iPhones which were native only to the United States in the year 2007 moved to other parts of the world, due to the growing need of people. Therefore, people can buy it from anywhere, as most of them find it intriguing. Due to this, it had introduced many service centres across the world, one more point worth considering is that fashion is an attribute which was distinct in each country, but due to the globalisation, the different outfits and apparel are available to everyone. Consequently, this had reduced the difference between countries, to illustrate this, a recent survey conducted by the "Vogue" magazine depicts that the attire around the world was distinct but now 80% of the population are fascinated by the same type of looks. In conclusion, globalisation has made our lives easy as it had reduced the need for travelling and helped us in getting things from the place we live. In my opinion, it has provided us with a comfortable live than in the past.
Similarity between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is increasing as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
things from anywhere across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to this, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to travel and it has facilitated our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. From my perspective, this is advantageous for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

When we are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the things we want from the place we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to travel which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us in saving money. If we want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a product native to a particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
it even in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in the United States
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
the south India foods as delicious,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the reason they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
it in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, they
Did you mean "do not"?
don not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel to India to eat it.

In addition
to this, the iPhones which were native
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the United States in the year 2007
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to other parts of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it from anywhere, as most of them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
find
it intriguing.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to this, it had introduced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
service
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
, one more point worth considering is that fashion is an attribute which was distinct in each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
outfits and apparel are available to everyone.
Consequently
, this had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, to illustrate this, a recent survey conducted by the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Vogue
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
magazine depicts that the attire around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
was distinct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
80% of the population
are fascinated
by the same type of looks.

In conclusion
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
has made our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
easy as it had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
for travelling and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
us in getting things from the place we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
. In my opinion, it has provided us with a comfortable
Use "liver" to make a comparison with this adjective.
live
than in the past.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay with the following: Some people believe that video games could inspire young students interest and make their study more efficient rather than distract them and be a waste of time, so young students should be allowed to play video v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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