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Do you agree or disagree? Some people believe that video games could inspire young students' interest and make their study more efficient rather than distracting them and a waste of time, so young students should be allowed to play video games. v.159

Some people believe that video games could inspire young students' interest and make their study more efficient rather than distracting them and a waste of time, so young students should be allowed to play video games. v. 159
Nowadays, computer games occupy a huge portion of young people’s time. Truth be told, whether young adults should be allowed to play computer games or not has generated a lot of controversy lately. Some people are the leading proponents of the belief that computer games assist students in their studies, and boost their learning. However, I assert that despite having some benefits, computer games’ disadvantages outweigh its advantages significantly. In the following paragraphs, I will aptly substantiate my viewpoint. First exquisite point to be mentioned is that parents can barely control what young students play. There is a plethora of inappropriate games which not only promote bad behavior, but they also cause young adults to be accustomed to some taboos. For instance, some games encourage players to commit crime, while other games persuade players to participate in anarchy. Furthermore, some games are exceedingly violent, in which players are obliged to kill other players. This kind of games will definitely have catastrophic results, and they have negative effects on young people’s morality and character. Moreover, another conspicuous aspect of computer games is that they waste students’ precious time, which otherwise could be spent on useful tasks. Students should devote majority of their attention to their studies, since it is their sole purpose to excel in education and become a successful person in a not-so-distant future. Nevertheless, they spend countless hours on playing useless computer games. Also, playing a lot of computer games contribute to sedentary life, which will bring about numerous physical and mental problems, one of which is weakening of eyesight. However, students should engage on regular exercising in order to alleviate problems regarding inactivity. It goes without saying that computer games are highly addictive. For this reason, students get more and more used to playing hours of computer games, which might further intensify the problems. Admittedly, not to mention the emergence of economic problems would be an oversight. Computer games are expensive. Also, people not only pay a lot of money to build powerful machines to run the upcoming computer games, but they also spend a lot of money to play those games online with their peers. This amount of money spent on gaming is a waste. It could be spent on other healthy activities such as sports and traveling, which actually help students improve their life conditions. In addition, university tuition fees are continuing to soar these days, therefore, it is crucial for families to save a significant some of money in order to afford their young adults’ attending colleges and universities. To recapitulate, playing computer games has a number of drawbacks. Some computer games have negative effects on students. Also, playing computer games wastes a lot of time and money. Consequently, young adults should not be allowed to play computer games at all.
Nowadays, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
occupy a huge portion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
time. Truth be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or not has generated a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of controversy lately.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the leading proponents of the belief that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
assist
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in their studies, and boost their learning.
However
, I assert that despite having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits, computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games’
disadvantages outweigh its advantages
significantly
. In the following paragraphs, I will
aptly
substantiate my viewpoint.

First
exquisite point to
be mentioned
is that parents can
barely
control what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
. There is a plethora of inappropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
promote
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behavior,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
to
be accustomed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
taboos.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
to commit crime, while other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
persuade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
to participate in anarchy.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
exceedingly
violent, in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are obliged
to kill other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
. This kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will definitely have catastrophic results, and they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
morality and character.

Moreover
, another conspicuous aspect of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is that they waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
precious time, which
otherwise
could
be spent
on useful tasks.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
should devote
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
their attention to their studies, since it is their sole purpose to excel in education and become a successful person in a not-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-distant future.
Nevertheless
, they spend countless hours on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
useless computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
contribute to sedentary life, which will bring about numerous physical and mental problems, one of which is weakening of eyesight.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should engage on regular exercising in order to alleviate problems regarding inactivity. It goes without saying that computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are
highly
addictive.
For this reason
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
hours of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, which might
further
intensify the problems.

Admittedly
, not to mention the emergence of economic problems would be an oversight. Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are expensive.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
pay a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to build powerful machines to run the upcoming computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
spend a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
online with their peers. This amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
spent on gaming is a waste. It could
be spent
on other healthy activities such as sports and traveling, which actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their life conditions.
In addition
, university tuition fees are continuing to soar these days,
therefore
, it is crucial for families to save a significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in order to afford their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults’
attending colleges and universities.

To recapitulate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has a number of drawbacks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
wastes a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of time and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
at all.
22Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
67Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that video games could inspire young students' interest and make their study more efficient rather than distracting them and a waste of time, so young students should be allowed to play video games. v. 159

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
466 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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