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Do you agree or disagree? Some people believe that video games could inspire young students' interest and make their study more efficient rather than distracting them and a waste of time, so young students should be allowed to play video games. v.56

Some people believe that video games could inspire young students' interest and make their study more efficient rather than distracting them and a waste of time, so young students should be allowed to play video games. v. 56
Children's behaviour always reflects what they learnt from their parents and schools. However, most of people said that, parents have the responsibility of teaching their children to be good in the society and others said, it is an obligation of their schools. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in depth and provides opinion of the writer. Each and every minor's first school is their home and first teachers were their parents. They use to spend more time with their parents and always try to learn things from their mother and farther. As per the records proves that, most of the words that a small kid use are the same words that their parents use in family conversations at their house. Clearly, parents have the liability of their youngster acts and most of them mirror their parents themselves. Even though kids learned things from their parents, teachers from the schools can be corrected those. Students start schooling at the age of six and once they entered into the education system, teachers have the ability to influence them to change the way that they already has and already thought of their parents. For example, most of parents allow the teacher to punish their kid and make them corrected on their bad behaviours. In short, mentors are there to correct the things that students do wrong and that should be accepted by their parents as well. In a conclusion, which party has the greater authority for teaching children good things is questionable and some people argues that, it is an obligation of the child's parents and other said it is an authority of the schools. This essay discussed the various reasons why people state that, which party has the liability of teaching good behaviours to the children and my opinion is the both parties has the responsibility on their own way and they are accountable for their students and kid behaviours.
Children's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
always reflects what they
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
However
, most of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
said that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the responsibility of teaching their children to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in the society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
said, it is an obligation of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. This essay will discuss both sides of the argument in depth and provides opinion of the writer.

Each and every minor's
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is their home and
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
were their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
spend more time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and always try to learn things from their mother and farther. As per the records proves that, most of the words that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
are the same words that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in family conversations at their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
Clearly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have the liability of their youngster acts and most of them mirror their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
themselves.

Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
learned things from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can
be corrected
those. Students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
schooling at the age of six and once they entered into the education system,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
have the ability to influence them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the way that they already has and already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
, most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
to punish their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them corrected on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
. In short, mentors are there to correct the things that students do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and that should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as well
.

In a conclusion, which party has the greater authority for teaching children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things is questionable and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
argues
that, it is an obligation of the child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and other said it is an authority of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. This essay discussed the various reasons why
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
state that, which party has the liability of teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
to the children and my opinion is the both parties has the responsibility on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
way and
they are accountable for their students and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that video games could inspire young students' interest and make their study more efficient rather than distracting them and a waste of time, so young students should be allowed to play video games. v. 56

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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