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Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.10

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 10
These days, it is observed that people in different countries can buy the same products due to the rapid globalization that happen and always increasing year by year. Some people said that is a positive development because global growth is beneficial for human as it results a mass modernization with easy procurement and transaction and also brings lots of advantages for the business itself. To begin with, the opportunity to purchase the same products anywhere around the globe reduces the distinction between rich and poor countries and the statement of what country is more developed or modern than another. The deal of proceeding the same procurement makes people in one country is as same as other. For example, mobile phones which are produced in Japan now can be used and purchased by people from all countries. Any phone brands, like Apple, Samsung, become mass distributed in all continents, in which resulting a similar opportunity for worldwide people to buy its products. The rapid growth of the distribution also makes citizens are easy to get the products. For instance, we can make an online purchase or visit the nearest store. The development in one brand becoming a worldwide indeed makes the company earned more cash. To cite an example in this case, big brands like McDonalds and Starbucks now are already valued for billion dollars because of the development of its branch. We can easily buy a McD burger with the same taste in several countries. To conclude, countries are now becoming increasingly similar as the people can purchase the same goods with the easiness of transaction and procurement. There are lots of nearest store and e-commerce that citizens can reach to buy some. Also, the globalization brings huge benefit to the brand who succeed in becoming worldwide and providing those products to be purchased in many countries. The big value of market share and lots of profit are becoming the evidence.
These days, it
is observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
due to the rapid globalization that happen and always increasing year by year.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
said
that is
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
global growth is beneficial for human as it results a mass modernization with easy procurement and transaction and
also
brings lots of advantages for the business itself.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
anywhere around the globe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the distinction between rich and poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and the statement of what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is more developed or modern than another. The deal of proceeding the same procurement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is as same as other.
For example
, mobile phones which
are produced
in Japan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Any phone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
, like Apple, Samsung, become mass distributed in all continents, in which resulting a similar opportunity for worldwide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. The rapid growth of the distribution
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
citizens are easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
For instance
, we can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
an online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
or visit the nearest store.

The development in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
becoming a worldwide
indeed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
earned more cash. To cite an example
in this case
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brands
like
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
McDonalds
and Starbucks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are already valued for
Use "a billion" or use a number before 'billion'.
billion
dollars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the development of its branch. We can
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
McD
burger with the same taste in several countries.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
becoming
increasingly
similar as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
with the easiness of transaction and procurement. There are lots of
A determiner is probably missing here: "the nearest".
nearest
store and e-commerce that citizens can reach to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
.
Also
, the globalization brings huge benefit to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brand
who succeed in becoming worldwide and providing those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
value of market share and lots of profit are becoming the evidence.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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