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Some people want to be friends with their parents. Others prefer to maintain the more traditional parent-child relations. Which approach do you favor? v.1

Some people want to be friends with their parents. Others prefer to maintain the more traditional parent-child relations. Which approach do you favor? v. 1
Many nations nowadays are taking measurable steps to curb the growing problem with the environment. Some argue that this is not only the responsibility of a government or the large firms, but rather an individual must also contribute in this to make a difference. To begin with, many individuals can partake by separating and putting disposable materials into a right type of recycled bins. For example, if the materials like plastic is mixed up with food scraps it will not be able to process correctly in a recycle facility, and thus, may end up in landfill. If that’s so, then it could release toxic gases, which will harm the environment, and furthermore, may cause respiratory diseases. Another possible participation would assist in reducing a significant amount of pollution, if people commute more often by public transportation, rather by their own cars. There are many shreds of evidence, which reveals that if the consumption in fossil fuel reduces the rate of pollution will drop noticeably, and as a result, the conditions of the environment will improve greatly. In contrast, a government initiative is quite important because they can influence the masses to use environmentally friendly products. As these types of products are developed to reduce the growing problem with plastic bags. For instance, many governments have banned from using a light weight plastic shopping bag, and consequently, people must use reusable plastic bags to carry their shopping. On the other hand, companies are moving to renewable energy sources such as wind, solar, and water to run their factories. In conclusion, although a government bear the responsibility to improve the environment, but individuals can make a big difference, if they place all plastic items in the correct bins.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
nations nowadays are taking measurable steps to curb the growing problem with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that this is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the responsibility of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
or the large firms,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
also
contribute in this to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals can partake by separating and putting disposable materials into a right type of recycled bins.
For example
, if the materials like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plastic
is mixed
up with food scraps it will not be able to process
correctly
in a recycle facility, and
thus
, may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in landfill. If that’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, then it could release toxic gases, which will harm the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
, and
furthermore
, may cause respiratory diseases.

Another possible participation would assist in reducing a significant amount of pollution, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
commute more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
by public transportation,
rather
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
cars. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
shreds of evidence, which reveals that if the consumption in fossil fuel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the rate of pollution will drop
noticeably
, and
as a result
, the conditions of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
greatly
.

In contrast
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
initiative is quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can influence the masses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
environmentally
friendly products.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
these types of products
are developed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the growing problem with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plastic
bags.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have banned from using a
Did you mean "lightweight"?
light weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plastic
shopping bag, and
consequently
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
reusable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plastic
bags to carry their shopping.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are moving to renewable energy sources such as wind, solar, and water to run their factories.

In conclusion
, although a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
bear the responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
individuals can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
difference, if they place all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plastic
items in the correct bins.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people want to be friends with their parents. Others prefer to maintain the more traditional parent-child relations. Which approach do you favor? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
286 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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