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Do you agree or disagree that universities should spend money on improving facilities (labs and general requirements) than hiring famous teachers? v.2

that universities should spend money on improving facilities (labs and general requirements) than hiring famous teachers? v. 2
As a matter of fact, an experienced teacher can make a big difference on student' s study during a year, so universities and colleges are serious in choosing a person, who wants to teach their students. On the other hand, facilities are necessary for most majors such as chemistry. Therefore, some people think that universities should invest on teachers and some of them think otherwise. In my view, I strongly believe that financial departments in schools should spend money on upgrading facilities. First and foremost, famous teachers are busy. They do not have enough time to answer student' s questions completely. Consequently, they are not effective on student' s knowledge. As an illustration, my brother-in-law was in Irvine University for four years. He had a famous teacher, who had a really good experience in his major, but he could not make an appointment with him during the semester, because he was busy with his researches and other big projects. Second, paying money to some famous teachers is a short time investment. Undoubtedly, these teachers will have many attractive offers during each semester, so they can choose between varieties of offers each year. Obviously, best offer has a big chance to be chosen. As everybody knows, each university has a determined budget for each year, so rich universities have a better chance to get these teachers. For instance, University of Arkansas hired a top rate teacher for Business School in 2013. All students were satisfied with their new professor, but after a while, she got a better offer in California University in San Marcos, so she left her job in Arkansas after one semester and moved to California. The point is that the University of Arkansas lost a lot of money for paying her salary and her moving expenses. Last but not least, universities should pay two expenses by hiring a high salary teacher, because they cannot skip essential facilities for students. Most majors need to have tools and machines for their study and universities should replace them frequently, because some of them are perishable. To sum up, although hiring a famous teacher is a kind of investment for schools, they have to be rich to cover all university’s expenses.
As a matter of fact, an experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
difference on
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s study during a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
and colleges are serious in choosing a person, who wants to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
On the other hand
, facilities are necessary for most majors such as chemistry.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should invest on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
. In my view, I
strongly
believe that financial departments in schools should spend money on upgrading facilities.

First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are busy. They do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to answer
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s questions completely.
Consequently
, they are not effective on
Possible spelling mistake found.
student&
#039; s knowledge. As an illustration, my brother-in-law was in Irvine
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
for four years. He had a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
, who had a
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
experience in his major,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an appointment with him during the semester,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he was busy with his researches and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
projects.

Second, paying money to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
is a short time investment.
Undoubtedly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
attractive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
during each semester,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can choose between varieties of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offers
each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
Obviously
, best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
chance to
be chosen
. As everybody knows, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
has a determined budget for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
have a better chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Arkansas hired a top rate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
for Business School in 2013. All
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were satisfied
with their new professor,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after a while, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offer
in California
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
in San Marcos,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
her job in Arkansas after one semester and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to California. The point is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
of Arkansas lost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money for paying her salary and her moving expenses.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should pay two expenses by hiring a high salary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they cannot skip essential facilities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Most majors need to have tools and machines for their study and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
should replace them
frequently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them are perishable.

To sum up, although hiring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teacher
is a kind of investment for schools, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be rich to cover all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university’s
expenses.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay that universities should spend money on improving facilities (labs and general requirements) than hiring famous teachers? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
369 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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