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Do you agree or disagree that universities should spend money on improving facilities (labs and general requirements) than hiring famous teachers? v.1

that universities should spend money on improving facilities (labs and general requirements) than hiring famous teachers? v. 1
Smoking is becoming more and more popular even though the harmful of smokers as well as the people around them. Therefore, smoking has been prohibited in all public places in many nations. While I agree that government should ban smoking entirely because of the harm it causes, I believe that other factors are equally important. On the one hand, smoking in now illegal in all public places like hospitals, restaurants, parks or public transports because two main reasons. First of all, smoking has serious negative consequences not only on the smoker's health, but also on those around them. There are many studies have been proven that tobacco consists of many substances that are seriously harmful to human health. People who are regularly exposed to tobacco smoke have an increased risk of respiratory, cardiovascular or even cancer diseases, especially children and pregnant women. Secondly, smoking also causes environmental pollution. The tip of the cigarette butt and the packaging after use generates a large amount of waste. Public places are places that general service to the needs of many people, so the discharge of tobacco waste into the environment is very daunting. Therefore, banning smoking in public places is essential. On the other hand, in many places, smoking is considered as custom and tradition in their homeland, which has been a habit for many years so they cannot easily quit. In addition, many people think that smoking is a matter of freedom of choice, smoking is not illegal, so individuals should have the freedom to smoke where they want. In short, I agree that banning smoking in public places is a good decision. However, the decision of whether smoke or not to smoke should be for each individual to make, they should be free to smoke elsewhere.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
is becoming more and more popular
even though
The phrase 'the harmful of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the harmful of
smokers
as well
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
has
been prohibited
in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
entirely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the harm it causes, I believe that other factors are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
illegal in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
like hospitals, restaurants, parks or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
transports
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
two main reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
has serious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the smoker's health,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on those around them. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies have
been proven
that tobacco consists of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
substances that are
seriously
harmful to human health.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who are
regularly
exposed to tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
have an increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of respiratory, cardiovascular or even cancer diseases,
especially
children and pregnant women.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
also
causes environmental pollution. The tip of the cigarette butt and the packaging after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
generates a large amount of waste.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
that general service to the needs of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the discharge of tobacco waste into the environment is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
daunting.
Therefore
, banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is essential.

On the other hand
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is considered
as custom and tradition in their homeland, which has been a habit for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they cannot
easily
quit.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is a matter of freedom of choice,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is not illegal,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
individuals should have the freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
where they want.

In short, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decision.
However
, the decision of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
or not to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
should be for each individual to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
, they should be free to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
elsewhere.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay that universities should spend money on improving facilities (labs and general requirements) than hiring famous teachers? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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