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169. Which situation do you think is better for children: a two-parent or single-parent family? Use details and explanations to support your preference. v.1

169. Which situation do you think is better for children: a two-parent or single-parent family? Use details and explanations to support your preference. v. 1
As the economy grows, people are more aware of the importance of education. It is shown by the increasing number of parents who are sending their children abroad for educational purposes. This essay will discuss about the plusses and minuses of this. Sending children overseas to study can be beneficial for a number of underlying reasons. First, not only can children obtain international exposure from studying abroad, but they can also learn about diverse cultures from different countries. Furthermore, living in a foreign country can help children to open their mind about different angles towards the world and giving them the chance to interact with other people from different cultures. Consequently, children will get more ideas and knowledge about the world condition. Second, it is believed that children can be more independent and gain more confidence after experiencing studying abroad. For instance, students are forced to learn practical knowledge when studying abroad since they have almost no direct help from their parents who normally assist them at home. Finally, aiming to learn new language, children can perceive studying abroad as a language learning opportunity. Moreover, studying abroad give children the opportunity to use the foreign language and chances to immerse with the local community. Besides the advantages as mentioned above, educational trips to other countries can also bring some disadvantages. To begin with, studying abroad needs a really high investment. Therefore, parents should be ready for expenses including travel expenses, cost of living and tuition fee that might occur during their children study’s. Moreover, many students find it difficult to adjust the language along with the culture in the new country. As a consequence, culture shock can lead to frustration and anxiety over the children. To conclude, studying abroad can help children to witness diverse cultures around the world and improve their soft-skills at the same time but it requires a really high investment. While parents should be ready to pay all cost that can occur during the studies, children should be able to adjust with the new environment and if they fail, they will be exposed to some mental health conditions such as frustration and anxiety.
As the economy grows,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are more aware of the importance of education. It
is shown
by the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who are sending their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
for educational purposes. This essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
Possible spelling mistake found.
plusses
and minuses of this.

Sending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
overseas to study can be beneficial for a number of underlying reasons.
First
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
obtain international exposure from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can
also
learn about diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Furthermore
, living in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to open their mind about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
angles towards the world and giving them the chance to interact with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and knowledge about the world condition. Second, it
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be more independent and gain more confidence after experiencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
.
For instance
, students
are forced
to learn practical knowledge when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
since they have almost no direct
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who
normally
assist them at home.
Finally
, aiming to learn new
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language
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can perceive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
learning opportunity.
Moreover
,
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studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
and chances to immerse with the local community.

Besides
the advantages as mentioned above, educational trips to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can
also
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
needs a
really
high investment.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be ready for expenses including travel expenses, cost of living and tuition fee that might occur during their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
study’s.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
students find it difficult to adjust the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
along with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in the new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
shock can lead to frustration and anxiety over the children.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
abroad
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to witness diverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
around the world and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their soft-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
at the same time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it requires a
really
high investment. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be ready to pay all cost that can occur during the studies,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be able to adjust with the new environment and if they fail, they will
be exposed
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mental health conditions such as frustration and anxiety.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay 169. Which situation do you think is better for children: a two-parent or single-parent family? Use details and explanations to support your preference. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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