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Cellphone BanThe university has decided to ban all cellphone use in lecture halls, labs, seminars, and classrooms effective immediately. We have received numerous complaints from students who find ring tones and personal conversations distracting and anno v.1

Cellphone BanThe university has decided to ban all cellphone use in lecture halls, labs, seminars, and classrooms effective immediately. We have received numerous complaints from students who find ring tones and personal conversations distracting and anno v. 1
In this day and age, it is irrefutable to say that childhood obesity has become a global issue nowadays. Every 1 out 5 children is found to be overweight in our western countries. This issue needs to be attended as soon as possible before it causes any further damage to our young generation. There are numerous reasons for the aforementioned disturbing trend. First and foremost, due to advancements in the field of internet and technology, our youngsters tend to spend more time in indoor activities like playing video games, watching television and social media. This has substantially reduced their physical activities, which consequently makes them lethargic and aids in gaining weight. Moreover, unhealthy eating habits like burgers, pizza and fried food products have also played their crucial part in making our teenagers obese. As a result, we now see a steep rise in the number of overweight children. This issue has resulted in children getting chronic diseases like diabetes and high cholesterol. In addition, due to the lethargic attitude of our kids, our youngsters are also getting into depression, which hampers their studies as well as their mental health. These ill-effects of obesity can considerably harm the growth of society as teenagers are the future of our generation. I am sanguine, the government would take steps to curtail this dangerous trend. People should also take cognizance of this fact and further, they should aware their children to stay away from junk foods and motivate them to do more physical activities. I am sure parents, especially from western countries, would take responsibility for their kids and we will definitely get rid of the obesity problem.
In this day and age, it is irrefutable to say that childhood obesity has become a global issue nowadays. Every 1 out 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is found
to be overweight in our western countries. This issue needs to
be attended
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it causes any
further
damage to our young generation.

There are numerous reasons for the aforementioned disturbing trend.
First
and foremost, due to advancements in the field of internet and technology, our youngsters tend to spend more time in indoor activities like playing video games, watching television and social media. This has
substantially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
their physical activities, which
consequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them lethargic and aids in gaining weight.
Moreover
, unhealthy eating habits like burgers, pizza and fried food products have
also
played their crucial part in making our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
obese.

As a result
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a steep rise in the number of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This issue has resulted in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
getting chronic diseases like diabetes and high cholesterol.
In addition
, due to the lethargic attitude of our kids, our youngsters are
also
getting into depression, which hampers their studies
as well
as their mental health. These ill-effects of obesity can
considerably
harm the growth of society as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are the future of our generation.

I am sanguine, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
would take steps to curtail this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
trend.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should
also
take cognizance of this fact and
further
, they
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
should aware
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to stay away from junk foods and motivate them to do more physical activities. I am sure parents,
especially
from western countries, would take responsibility for their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
kids and
we will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of the obesity problem.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS essay Cellphone BanThe university has decided to ban all cellphone use in lecture halls, labs, seminars, and classrooms effective immediately. We have received numerous complaints from students who find ring tones and personal conversations distracting and anno v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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