Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Do you agree or disagree that businesses should hire employees for their entire life? Use details and examples to support your explanation. v.1

that businesses should hire employees for their entire life? Use details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1
It is often believed that celebrities in the entertainment industry such as movie star, singers or sports stars are being overpaid. This essay discusses why I think they are getting paid too much money and will describe other occupations that should be paid higher. The main reason I strongly believe that entertainers are being overpaid is because their income does not inflect the work they do. For instance, A top singers like Justin Bieber can make thousands of dollars per concert. This amount is impossible for some people to reach, no matter how hard they work in their entire life. In addition, If we base a person's wage, according to their contribute to society the earnings of celebrity seems too high, as entertainment is not so important to our society like other fields such as science and technology. There are others professions that deserve to get higher paid for their work. More specifically, people like doctors make a huge sacrifice to treat their patients should be rewarded more. Since doctors can save lives and give people hope, they should receive a high amount to equal their meaningful contributions. Another occupation worthy of high salaries is teachers, who have a big responsibility for contributing education to next generations. Surely people we entrust with the task should be rewarded accordingly. In conclusion, I strongly believe that entertainers are overpaying as they do not offer anything greater than other people who are working in other industries. It is advocated that people who make a significant contribution to humanity, such as medical practitioners and teachers should be rewarded appropriately. I recommend that steps should be taken to address this disparity. Formatted
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that celebrities in the entertainment industry such as movie star, singers or sports stars are being overpaid. This essay discusses why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they are getting paid too much money and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
occupations that should
be paid
higher.

The main reason I
strongly
believe that entertainers are being overpaid is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their income does not inflect the work they do.
For instance
, A top singers like Justin Bieber can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
thousands of dollars per concert. This amount is impossible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to reach, no matter how
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
they work in their entire life.
In addition
, If we base a person's wage, according to their
The word 'contribute' is not a noun. Did you mean "contribution"?
contribute
to society the earnings of celebrity seems too high, as entertainment is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to our society like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields such as science and technology.

There are others professions that deserve to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher paid for their work. More
specifically
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like doctors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a huge sacrifice to treat their patients should
be rewarded
more. Since doctors can save
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hope, they should receive a high amount to equal their meaningful contributions. Another occupation worthy of high salaries is teachers, who have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
responsibility for contributing education to
next
generations.
Surely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
we entrust with the task should
be rewarded
accordingly
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that entertainers are overpaying as they do not offer anything greater than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are working in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
industries. It
is advocated
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a significant contribution to humanity, such as medical practitioners and teachers should
be rewarded
appropriately
. I recommend that steps should
be taken
to address this disparity.

Formatted
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay that businesses should hire employees for their entire life? Use details and examples to support your explanation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts