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Do you agree or disagree: Kids should play more and study more instead of spending time on household chores? v.2

: Kids should play more and study more instead of spending time on household chores? v. 2
In this age, children’s education is on the top of parents’ priority lists. Most parents would like to do anything to ensure their children to have a bright future. Regarding whether kids should help with household chores, some state that they should play or study more instead of spending any time on the time-consuming chores, whereas I disagree with this opinion, and my arguments are presented as follows. Primarily, doing household chores is the first step to make young children socialized, which is essential for their independent lives in the future. For example, one of my former roommates, Zelda, was not allowed by her parents to do any household chores before going to college. Not surprisingly, she literally did not know how to live an independent life. She was not able to do the laundry because she had no idea how to use the washer and dryer; neither could she cook so she spent over 800 dollars every month eating in restaurants. What was worse, she never cleaned her room and trash was piled up, making it smell bad. Thus, no one wanted to live or be friends with her, and she was forced to move out of the school apartment after two months. If she had been asked to do some household chores on top of her daily study and playing, she would not have been such an unpopular person. Therefore, it demonstrates my point that kids should spend a reasonable amount of time on household chores instead of only studying and playing. In addition, children’s doing some household chores would help reduce parents’ workload and pressure. In this way, parents can have more energy for the family time. I can recall that when I was in the third grade of primary school, all of a sudden my parents became occupied by a lot of work and could not get home until 7: 30 p. m. While I was waiting for them to come back, I finished my homework first, and then took the initiative to cook for them. After having supper, it was not that late, so we could have a walk in the park, watch a movie together, or read a book. I did enjoy the relaxing time being with them, and they did not feel overwhelmed with the household chores. If I had not cooked but just studied or played myself, we would not have finished dinner until 9 p. m. , leaving not enough time for the family time. Thus, it is crystal clear that children should take on some household chores on top of playing and studying. Admittedly, when kids were young, it might be dangerous for them to do the housework. For instance, they may fall down when cleaning the window, or cut their fingers when cooking. However, parents should attentively supervise them and give them some guidance in the practice, and practice makes perfect. When children become skilled, their doing the housework can bring benefits to both their future lives and the parents, which study and playing cannot yield. To conclude, after weighty consideration, I firmly believe that instead of playing more and studying more, kids should spend some time on household chores.
In this age,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
education is on the top of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
priority lists. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would like to do anything to ensure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have a bright future. Regarding whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
state that they should play or study more
instead
of spending any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the time-consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
, whereas I disagree with this opinion, and
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
my


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
arguments
are presented
as follows.

Primarily
, doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
is the
first
step to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
socialized, which is essential for their independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in the future.
For example
, one of my former roommates, Zelda, was not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
by her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to do any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going to college. Not
surprisingly
, she
literally
did not know how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
an independent life. She was not able to do the laundry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she had no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the washer and dryer; neither could she cook
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she spent over 800 dollars every month eating in restaurants. What was worse, she never cleaned her room and trash
was piled
up, making it smell
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
Thus
, no one wanted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
or be friends with her, and she
was forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
out of the school apartment after two months. If she had
been asked
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
on top of her daily study and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
, she would not have been such an unpopular person.
Therefore
, it demonstrates my point that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
should spend a reasonable amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
instead
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
studying and playing.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
workload and pressure. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can have more energy for the family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I can recall that when I was in the third grade of primary school, all of a sudden my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
became occupied by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
work and could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
home until 7: 30 p. m. While I was waiting for
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
them


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back, I finished my homework
first
, and then took the initiative to cook for them. After having supper, it was not that late,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
we could have a walk in the park,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
a movie together, or read a book. I did enjoy the relaxing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
being with them, and they did not feel overwhelmed with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
. If I had not cooked
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
studied or played myself, we would not have finished dinner until 9 p. m.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
leaving not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Thus
, it is crystal

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should take on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
on top of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
and studying.

Admittedly
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
were young, it might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for them to do the housework.
For instance
, they may fall down when cleaning the window, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
their fingers when cooking.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
attentively
supervise them and give them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
guidance in the practice, and practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
perfect. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become skilled, their doing the housework can bring benefits to both their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, which study and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
cannot yield.

To conclude
, after weighty consideration, I
firmly
believe that
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
more and studying more,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
should spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
chores
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay : Kids should play more and study more instead of spending time on household chores? v. 2

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
531 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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