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Do you agree or disagree: it is easier for parents to raise their children today than 50 years ago. v.2

: it is easier for parents to raise their children today than 50 years ago. v. 2
Science and technology, to some extent, shape the world we live and influence our lives in many ways. Nowadays, some claim that thanks to the development of our society, it is much easier for parents to raise their children, for they enjoy many advantages that advanced society has brought to us. However, I think it is a misunderstanding. Now, raising a child is much harder for parents than before. Admittedly, advanced medical system have greatly reduced the rate of death of children at very young age, but at the same time, children are exposed to more dangers than before. 50 years ago, children could breathe fresh air and enjoyed fresh and pollution-free food, thus, their are more likely to have a health body. However, our environment has been seriously damaged. Water in the river cannot be drunk and the air are fulled with PM 2. 5. As a result, it has become extremely difficult for parents to prevent their children from these diseases. Besides, raising children is not only enable them to survive, parents should enable their children to be well educated too, which is much more difficult than before. Technology have enabled people live longer, making population increases more and more quickly. However, the limited natural resources have contributes the serious competition in our society. Sending a child to a better school could cost much more money than before. Moreover, after class, parents also sometimes need to spend extra money to invite private coach to teach their children. Only by this way, can their children be able to not fall behind. Thus, parents now are facing much more living pressure. In addition to more money needed to raise a child, parent also have to pay extra attend to prevent the children from the damages brought by advanced society. Although advanced technology have greatly contributed to our convenient lives, children, lacking self control, are more likely to be negative affected. They might become addicted to the video games or develop serious mental problems due to the information on the Internet. Thus, parents now also have to deal with these potential problems, which might cause damages to their children. In a word, raising a child have not become easier than before and parents will suffer from pressure from different aspect after having a baby.
Science and technology, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, shape the world we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
and influence our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
claim that thanks to the development of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to raise their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, for they enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has brought to us.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is a misunderstanding.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, raising a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
harder for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

Admittedly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
medical system have
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the rate of death of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are exposed
to more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
. 50 years ago,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could breathe fresh air and enjoyed fresh and pollution-free food,
thus
,
Did you mean "there"?
their
are more likely to have a health body.
However
, our environment has been
seriously
damaged. Water in the river cannot
be drunk
and the air
are fulled
with PM 2. 5.
As a result
, it has become
extremely
difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from these diseases.

Besides
, raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
enable them to survive,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should enable their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well educated
too, which is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more difficult than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
. Technology have enabled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
longer, making population increases more and more
quickly
.
However
, the limited natural resources have contributes the serious competition in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Sending a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to a better school could cost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more money than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
.
Moreover
, after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
need to spend extra money to invite private coach to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
by this way, can their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be able to not fall behind.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are facing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more living pressure.

In addition
to more money needed to raise a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay extra attend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from the damages brought by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
technology have
greatly
contributed to our convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, lacking
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self control
, are more likely to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. They might become addicted to the video games or develop serious mental problems due to the information on the Internet.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with these potential problems, which might cause damages to their children.

In a word, raising a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
have not become easier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
before
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will suffer from pressure from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
aspect after having a baby.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
45Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay : it is easier for parents to raise their children today than 50 years ago. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
383 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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