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Do you agree or disagree: it is easier for parents to raise their children today than 50 years ago. v.1

: it is easier for parents to raise their children today than 50 years ago. v. 1
This essay talks about why team sports are an essential factor for the children when it comes to determining their success in future careers. This is because of the communication skills, Social skills and self-esteem they develop while playing together in one team. Children playing solo sports also develop important skills which are necessary for a bright future. To start with why team sports are important, they improve on the communication skills of the children. This helps a child to be more successful in future. To be successful, a person needs to be friendly with the people around him, from which he will learn more. This requires social skills. Team sports develop this skill in young children. For example, a student playing for a team will learn how to talk to his captain in order for the captain to make him play in the position he wants. He can do this by building good relations with his captain and other teammates. Children playing in teams also have higher levels of confidence. This is because their teammates support them. On the other hand, being independent, Hardworking and innovative is also required to be successful. These are the skills that children do not learn from team sports. For instance, a child might not work hard because while he is in the team, Most of the work is done by his colleagues. In conclusion, while both the views have their merits, I believe that children need to play team sports to be more successful in the future. This is because during the process they will develop the necessary skills and will be more self-confident.
This essay talks about why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are an essential factor for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to determining their success in future careers. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and self-esteem they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
together in one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
solo
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which are necessary for a bright future.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with why
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team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
on the communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
a child to be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. To be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
, a person needs to be friendly with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around him, from which he will learn more. This requires social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
in young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, a student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
will learn how to talk to his captain in order for the captain to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him play in the position he wants. He can do this by building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relations with his captain and other teammates.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
also
have higher levels of confidence. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their teammates support them.

On the other hand
, being independent, Hardworking and innovative is
also
required to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. These are the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not learn from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
For instance
, a child might not work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
while he is in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
, Most of the work
is done
by his colleagues.

In conclusion
, while both the views have their merits, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
to be more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in the future. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
during the process they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
develop
the necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and will be more self-confident.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay : it is easier for parents to raise their children today than 50 years ago. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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