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Do you agree or disagree? The rules that society today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. v.68

The rules that society today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. v. 68
These days, face-to-face communication is being replaced with online conversations using social media apps, such as Facebook, WhatsApp or Tumblr. It seems to me that the benefits these technologies have brought to our lives are overshadowed by their drawbacks. In terms of the advantages, social networking sites have made it much easier for us to keep in contact with our loved ones, regardless of geographic locations. Students studying abroad, for example, can keep in touch with their families and friends on a daily basis using the video call features of Skype, Facebook or various other apps. Social media is also a powerful tool in marketing and business. In this digital age, companies can keep their clients updated regarding newly-released products or promotions by posting their campaigns on Facebook or Instagram, which helps save a great deal of time and expense compared to the traditional methods of advertising in newspapers or magazines. Despite the above benefits, I personally believe that when it comes to communication, social media does more harm than good. The overuse of social media reduces the quality of interpersonal communication. Many people are so addicted to social networking sites that they constantly stare at their screens during dinners with their families without actually paying attention to the people around them. The frequent use of social media also affects the style of speaking and writing, especially among young people. These days, many teenagers have a habit of using abbreviated words, which are frequently used in text messages or in posts on social media, in their academic essays or formal emails. In conclusion, for the reasons mentioned above, I am of the opinion that the positive effects that social media has on our communication are outweighed by the disadvantages.
These days, face-to-face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
is
being replaced
with online conversations using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
apps, such as Facebook, WhatsApp or Tumblr. It seems to me that the benefits these technologies have brought to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are overshadowed
by their drawbacks.

In terms of the advantages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites have made it much easier for us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in contact with our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones, regardless of geographic locations. Students studying abroad,
for example
, can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with their families and friends on a daily basis using the video call features of Skype, Facebook or various other apps.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
is
also
a powerful tool in marketing and business. In this digital age,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their clients updated regarding
newly
-released products or promotions by posting their campaigns on Facebook or Instagram, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
save a great deal of time and expense compared to the traditional methods of advertising in newspapers or magazines.

Despite the above benefits, I
personally
believe that when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
does more harm than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
. The overuse of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the quality of interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
addicted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
networking sites that they
constantly
stare at their screens during dinners with their families without actually paying attention to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them. The frequent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
also
affects the style of speaking and writing,
especially
among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have a habit of using abbreviated words, which are
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in text messages or in posts on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, in their academic essays or formal emails.

In conclusion
, for the reasons mentioned above, I am of the opinion that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
has on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
are outweighed
by the disadvantages.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay The rules that society today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. v. 68

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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